This morning I felt overwhelmed by my meal plan.
Somehow my rain took this and went, “The only logical thing to do now is to eat ALL the meal plan food!”
So, I ate the rest of my granola, drank half a bottle of orange juice, ate 7 cups of yogurt, and the rest of the peanut butter.
Because why not?
You know what helps bulimia-induced dizziness?
Binging and purging.
Oh, that makes it worse, you say? My bad. I guess my brain lied to me again.
No one’s judging you harshly. If you came to me and told me what happened, I’d want to listen and support you. If I came to you with the same recounting of events, I bet you’d be nothing but empathetic to my story. We come down on ourselves so hard. When do we forgive ourselves and realise we are hurt and in pain?
I said to my therapist ‘the purging is the deepest way I know to beat myself up.’ When I thought about that at home later, I realised I would never ever do that to another living thing. It’s really violence. However, I’m still unable to overcome the contempt I have for my own life and the violence I seek daily to inflict upon my worthless arse.
I’m with you. I hope in some way that offers a little comfort on a day where you’ve been truly stuck with the ed monster. Lots of love x
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Thank you ❤
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Oh man the picture where the person says they should eat evening so as not to have any temptations left. .. paraphrasing i knOw but it is me. I binge eat without the purge I’m actually jealous of the folks you can the purge or can not eat at all. I often wish i Had that mind 😦
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I find guilt cripples me, I hope you are over it, now. Forgive and move on.
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I ate 6 rice cakes with hummus and avocado and had a latte and didn’t purge…now I’m sitting here all fat and disgusting. Don’t feel bad. I love the pics you posted here. They sum up my life xo
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I’m glad you enjoyed them.It’s pretty much my life too.
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