Category Archives: Self-Harm

Art Distraction

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In my effort to not self-harm, I arted some more. Neither is finished, but it helped me get through the evening injury free.

Baby steps

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I decided to give away my blades. It’s slightly overwhelming, but I know I need to if I’m going to make progress.

Hospitalization: Part 8

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Journal entry from my fourth day on the psychiatric wing.
**Self-harm trigger warning**

Today was hard. My depression was high, my self-harm urges were high, my suicidal ideation was high, and my anxiety was high.

Having so many strangers (visitors) all over the place had me on edge, and not having a private place to go had me frantic. I wanted to cut., I wanted to hit walls and cause bruises, I wanted to bang my head against a wall, I wanted to stab myself, I wanted to cut my throat, I wanted to take the knife from dinner and use it to cut.

I was given Ativan. It helped mildly. It took the very edge off, and that’s all. Not what I was hoping from an anxiety medication.

I want to cut. So badly. I’m going to try to sleep instead.

Curiosity killed the cat

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I cut it open to see what was inside, but all I could see was blood.

The Bloody D *Self-harm Trigger Warning*

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I cut and wrote a D in my skin. It stands for Don’t fucking eat.

Don’t expect anyone to love you. 

Don’t sit around on your butt today. 

Don’t eat, you fat whore.

Disgusting, that’s what you are. 

Don’t even think about eating that. 

All this and so much more.

The gold calls to us

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There is a blue vein in my left wrist that sticks out. I’m left-handed, so I normally don’t cut on my left arm. However, when I look at this vein, I want to open it.

It calls to me. It’s not a suicidal thing. It’s not even really a self-harm thing. I just feel the desire to slice into it, to see the blood.

Just to see the blood.

The way it sticks up underneath my skin, it’s like it’s daring me to look inside. 

Alas, anorexic nurses. Ugh. 

I might have a problem *self-harm trigger warning*

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I opened the drawer by my bed and this was the first thing I saw.

Also, I should probably get rid of some of these…