Monthly Archives: June 2014

More Internal Conversations

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“I don’t need food.” (In response to noticing it’s 5:40pm and I realizing I haven’t eaten today.)

“I wonder what I could eat.”

Wait, what? You just said you didn’t need food, and your very next thought is about what you can eat? Brain, you make no sense.

You need to take your medications every day

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I got a call from my doctor this morning. My thyroid is “extremely low” and I was reminded that I need to take my meds every day. Oh, right. I should get on that.

I’ve been having such a hard time taking my meds consistently. I know I need to, and I feel better when I do, I just have a hard time taking them consistently, for multiple reasons.

In other news, I went to my brothers’ on Saturday night. It wasn’t planned like it normally is, they basically just said, hey, wanna come over right now? So I did. We played Phantasy Star Online and drank vodka and talked all night.

I might have had a little too much to drink. I don’t actually remember going to bed. In fact, the last thing I remember from the night is taking a shot around 5am. I don’t remember the next five hours, but I woke up at 10am in bed.

Earlier that night, I fell off the stairs outside their apartment that leads up to the second story. I was sitting on them, talking to my brother and I stood up to go inside (probably for another shot) and I missed a step and fell. The stairs and the path below it are concrete. I scraped up my elbow pretty badly. I also have quite a few bruises. Brilliant on my part.

Yesterday, my family went to the park to celebrate three birthdays. Two of my brothers and I have birthdays all within one week. My mom made a cake and my youngest brother’s girlfriend decorated it. I should have gotten a picture. It looked like a Storm Trooper’s head.

We played several games, board and card, and ate cake. I ate my obligatory piece of birthday cake. That was all I ate yesterday. And still, I had gained weight when I checked this morning. Ugh.

I was supposed to meet with the mental health guy this morning, but I didn’t go. I was very tired from not sleeping much this weekend and also because, as I learned this morning, my thyroid is very low. I also didn’t have a way to get there because I forgot to remind my ride, so I just decided to skip it. We did talk on the phone really quickly, just to check in.

Thursday is my birthday, and Friday my out-of-state friend is coming to visit. I’m excited that I get to see her. When I thought I would be starting PHP this week, I didn’t think I would get to.

To save time

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I was lying in bed earlier, trying to take a short nap, when a brilliant thought occurred to me.

Whenever I want to binge and purge, instead of eating the food, I’ll just dump it in the toilet. It saves me time and calories.

Playing with pets is the new marathon

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Screenshot_2014-06-28-11-47-59

I am sort of obsessed with the Nexercise app. Today, after logging my second workout, I noticed the activities my “friends” had logged. One logged “Playing with pets” for almost 4 and a half hours. The other day, she logged the same activity for 14 hours.

What on earth kind of playing with pets constitutes a workout and one that you can do for 14 hours in one day. Also, I keep wondering if this is an active thing like running around with a dog, or something like when I play with my cat: pointing a laser pointer all over the room.

I also noticed that someone logged “Walking – water” and I assume this means they were walking IN water, but my first thought was that they were walking ON water and thought I had accidentally friended Jesus.

Whimper, cry

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I chose this picture entirely for how ridiculous it looks. Also, this man has 3 legs.

Anyway, I upped the resistance on my bike today. It killed me. I’m just going to sit here, very still, and pretend I don’t have legs.

It knows…

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eating

My friend who is coming to visit next week from out of state was talking about her game in Animal Crossing so I decided I should charge my DS and check out how my town was doing. (In case you’re not familiar with the game, you get to run a town with adorable animal townsfolk.)

When I first got into the game, I noticed I had mail. One of them was a letter from my in-game father. (You never see either of your parents, but they send you mail from time to time.) The image above is the letter he sent me.

It’s eerie, no?

Dying for beauty

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http://hyperallergic.com/133571/fatal-victorian-fashion-and-the-allure-of-the-poison-garment/

I feel like not a lot has changed. We just pick different ways to destroy ourselves for fashion and beauty.

Not Everyone Is Beautiful

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This made me really sad, because deep down, I want to believe that I can one day be beautiful. But I agree with him.

Mindless Productivity

Every two or three days, I see an article or blog post or forwarded inspirational quote about beauty. It’s usually something affirming like

“You are beautiful, whether you know it or not.”

“We are all beautiful.”

“Everyone is beautiful to somebody.”

It’s cheerful stuff. It builds the self-esteem, makes people feel valued, and spreads joy and happiness across the internet.

It’s also bullshit.

And you know it’s bullshit, because you really wanted to laugh at that video.

Everyone is not beautiful. Some people have tumors the size of a second head growing out of their ears. Some people have skin like the Michelin man. Some people lose fingers, legs, or eyes in horrific assembly-line machine accidents. People have warts and blemishes and hair loss and dead teeth and lazy eyes and cleft palates and third nipples and unibrows.

There are plenty of people that are not physically appealing to look at, the…

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