Forever is so short

Facebook reminded me yesterday that it was the one year anniversary of us being “facebook official”. Yesterday was the day I left. My heart broke again when I saw the reminder and I burst into tears, sitting at the stop waiting for the shuttle to take me to the airport.

This last week I was in California with my fiance. A few days ago, he started hitting me. At first, I tried to shake it off. But by Thursday afternoon I couldn’t anymore, and I bought the first available ticket home for Friday. Yesterday morning, I left before he woke up, sneaking out, afraid to tell him I was leaving. I left my ring on the dresser.

Sometime on my trip home, he figured out I wasn’t coming back because he blocked me from Facebook. Total travel time, between the uber, the shuttle, my delated flight, and driving home, was over 14 hours. It was a long day filled with many tears. I am heartbroken. Even though I know I made the right choice, I still love him. It still hurts to have the broken promise of a future with him. I went from having my whole future planned out to having nothing. I’m lost, alone, and wounded. I feel foolish. I feel used. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by leaving him. I’m so confused right now.

Advertisement

Engagement

 

The boyfriend proposed! I’m so excited! I said yes! More to come. ❤

Getting More Serious

My relationship with the Boyfriend has been getting more serious lately. We’ve been talking about marriage, and I’m meeting his whole extended family in a couple weeks. It’s an exciting time.

Love

I just wanted to express how in love I feel with the new guy. We’ve known each other for almost a year and have been dating just over 2 months now and I have fallen head over heals for him. It feels so good to be in love again. And to feel like this time, he loves me back and his love is genuine.

You mean the world to me

I want to take a moment and thank you, dear reader, for reading this. And thank you especially to all you who comment on my blog. Your comments mean more to me than you will ever know. Your kindness and encouragement are a bright spot in my life and they really help keep me going when I’m struggling the most.

I appreciate so much the advice, the warm thoughts, the prayers, the resources you send me, the virtual hugs, the solidarity, every comment. Thank you for being you, and thank you for taking the time to visit my blog.

A mostly uneventful day

I had physical therapy this morning. PT means I leave with my legs like jelly. I called for my ride to pick me up and realized my legs weren’t working the way they were supposed to as I tried to walk out of the hospital. Still, I went to the store afterward. I slowly walked into the store and picked up my prescription for my fibromyalgia and a spiral-bound notebook to take notes for my classes that start on Thursday.

By the time I got home, my legs were so stiff and sore that any movement was a chore. And thanks to the fibromyalgia, the leg pain soon spread to the rest of my body.  By early afternoon, I needed to lie down because I was in so much pain, so I took a nap.

I didn’t hear from the eating disorder clinic today. I’m hoping tomorrow. The waiting is killing me. I may call tomorrow if I don’t hear anything.

National Western Stock Show

Today I went to the National Western Stock Show with a friend. It was mostly a lot of fun. The only part that I found not fun was the petting zoo. The petting zoo made me sad. All the animals in the petting zoo were so fat and obviously overfed, it made me sad. I don’t like the exploitation of animals for out enjoyment. But the rest of the stock show was fun. And, even though I didn’t understand a lot of it, we got to watch the judging of several sets of cows. I will be the first to admit that I’m a city girl. It was intriguing to see how people live and make a living that is so different from how I’ve ever lived. I got to watch several cows and bulls being showered. That was interesting. It looked very messy. There was also a great western art exhibit with some great, and some just ok, art. There were hundreds of vendors selling their wares. We didn’t buy anything, except my friend bought a pretzel while we were watching the judging of the cows.

Overall, I enjoyed myself and it was a great distraction from worrying about getting into the eating disorder clinic. The only downside was that I didn’t eat before we left, or while we were there and by the time we left I was starting to feel faint and dizzy. I was glad to leave when we finally did. I don’t regret going, though.

Newly discovered fear of elevators

I didn’t used to be afraid of elevators. I used to enjoy when I had to take the elevator. It was like a mini theme park ride.

Today, I had to take an elevator. It filled me with fear.

I don’t think I mentioned in all the chaos that was going on while my dad was in the hospital (or maybe I did) that I got stuck in the hospital elevator on my last day there. The elevator fell several feet and then stopped, with me trapped inside. It terrified me. Mostly the fall. Now, I’m afraid every elevator is going to fall.

Nose jobs are no fun

I had my septoplasty yesterday to fix my severely deviated septum. The surgery went well expect that I lost a lot of blood. However, I’m still here, so all is well.

Recovery after the surgery was rough. I woke up from anesthesia crying because I was in so much pain. They were giving me pain meds every 5 minutes and I was still in pain between a 7 and 10. Then, the high doses of pain meds made me incredibly nauseous to where I was dry heaving.

They wouldn’t let me go home until my pain was below a 5 and my nausea was under control, so I was in recovery for about 3 hours, which is 2 hour longer than they’d anticipated.

When I finally got home, I fell right to sleep while my mom went to fill my prescriptions for pain meds and antibiotics. I woke up when she got home an hour later and tried to watch some tv, but couldn’t follow anything, I was too out of it.

I was instructed to sleep with my head elevated, and my nose is too sore to lay on my pillow (I tried) so I slept in the recliner in the living room last night. I slept on and off. I was in a lot of pain most of the night, even with the prescription pain killer. I’ve also been leaking blood from both nostrils, which they said is normal, so I’ve been holding tissue to my nose almost constantly..

Today is one of the few times I wish I wore contacts. My nose is swollen and very sore, and my glasses hurt to wear. However, I’m blind blind without them.

I am still in a lot of pain and breathing is hit-or-miss because of all the extra mucus my nose is creating right now. I am not allowed to blow my nose. And I have splints up my nose while it heals. I get those out Wednesday. My nose is so swollen, I’m glad I remembered to take my nose piercing out before the surgery.

I def finitely can’t purge right now, which is messing with my head. I know I need to eat to heal properly, but knowing I can’t purge has me freaked out, so I haven’t eaten yet today.

I’m also having difficulty keeping awake because of the pain meds.So, for now, I’m off.

I am 1337

The nerdy side of me appreciates that WordPress pointed this out.