Facebook reminded me yesterday that it was the one year anniversary of us being “facebook official”. Yesterday was the day I left. My heart broke again when I saw the reminder and I burst into tears, sitting at the stop waiting for the shuttle to take me to the airport.
This last week I was in California with my fiance. A few days ago, he started hitting me. At first, I tried to shake it off. But by Thursday afternoon I couldn’t anymore, and I bought the first available ticket home for Friday. Yesterday morning, I left before he woke up, sneaking out, afraid to tell him I was leaving. I left my ring on the dresser.
Sometime on my trip home, he figured out I wasn’t coming back because he blocked me from Facebook. Total travel time, between the uber, the shuttle, my delated flight, and driving home, was over 14 hours. It was a long day filled with many tears. I am heartbroken. Even though I know I made the right choice, I still love him. It still hurts to have the broken promise of a future with him. I went from having my whole future planned out to having nothing. I’m lost, alone, and wounded. I feel foolish. I feel used. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by leaving him. I’m so confused right now.
The boyfriend proposed! I’m so excited! I said yes! More to come. ❤
My relationship with the Boyfriend has been getting more serious lately. We’ve been talking about marriage, and I’m meeting his whole extended family in a couple weeks. It’s an exciting time.
I just wanted to express how in love I feel with the new guy. We’ve known each other for almost a year and have been dating just over 2 months now and I have fallen head over heals for him. It feels so good to be in love again. And to feel like this time, he loves me back and his love is genuine.
I want to take a moment and thank you, dear reader, for reading this. And thank you especially to all you who comment on my blog. Your comments mean more to me than you will ever know. Your kindness and encouragement are a bright spot in my life and they really help keep me going when I’m struggling the most.
I appreciate so much the advice, the warm thoughts, the prayers, the resources you send me, the virtual hugs, the solidarity, every comment. Thank you for being you, and thank you for taking the time to visit my blog.
I had physical therapy this morning. PT means I leave with my legs like jelly. I called for my ride to pick me up and realized my legs weren’t working the way they were supposed to as I tried to walk out of the hospital. Still, I went to the store afterward. I slowly walked into the store and picked up my prescription for my fibromyalgia and a spiral-bound notebook to take notes for my classes that start on Thursday.
By the time I got home, my legs were so stiff and sore that any movement was a chore. And thanks to the fibromyalgia, the leg pain soon spread to the rest of my body. By early afternoon, I needed to lie down because I was in so much pain, so I took a nap.
I didn’t hear from the eating disorder clinic today. I’m hoping tomorrow. The waiting is killing me. I may call tomorrow if I don’t hear anything.
Today I went to the National Western Stock Show with a friend. It was mostly a lot of fun. The only part that I found not fun was the petting zoo. The petting zoo made me sad. All the animals in the petting zoo were so fat and obviously overfed, it made me sad. I don’t like the exploitation of animals for out enjoyment. But the rest of the stock show was fun. And, even though I didn’t understand a lot of it, we got to watch the judging of several sets of cows. I will be the first to admit that I’m a city girl. It was intriguing to see how people live and make a living that is so different from how I’ve ever lived. I got to watch several cows and bulls being showered. That was interesting. It looked very messy. There was also a great western art exhibit with some great, and some just ok, art. There were hundreds of vendors selling their wares. We didn’t buy anything, except my friend bought a pretzel while we were watching the judging of the cows.
Overall, I enjoyed myself and it was a great distraction from worrying about getting into the eating disorder clinic. The only downside was that I didn’t eat before we left, or while we were there and by the time we left I was starting to feel faint and dizzy. I was glad to leave when we finally did. I don’t regret going, though.