Hospitalization: Part 8

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Journal entry from my fourth day on the psychiatric wing.
**Self-harm trigger warning**

Today was hard. My depression was high, my self-harm urges were high, my suicidal ideation was high, and my anxiety was high.

Having so many strangers (visitors) all over the place had me on edge, and not having a private place to go had me frantic. I wanted to cut., I wanted to hit walls and cause bruises, I wanted to bang my head against a wall, I wanted to stab myself, I wanted to cut my throat, I wanted to take the knife from dinner and use it to cut.

I was given Ativan. It helped mildly. It took the very edge off, and that’s all. Not what I was hoping from an anxiety medication.

I want to cut. So badly. I’m going to try to sleep instead.

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