What it’s like to eat in treatment

Every snack I have string cheese and 3 Carr’s whole wheat crackers. I’m too afraid to get anything else.

We have 20 minutes to eat snack.

Today, I looked at the time after finishing my string cheese. 10 minutes left. Plenty of time to eat 3 crackers. 

Finish first cracker, check time, r minutes left. Crap. It took me 6 minutes to eat one cracker. I have 4 minutes left to eat the other two.

Rush through cracker two. Check time. One minute to go. One cracker left. I don’t want  to boost. Panic

Ten seconds and half a cracker left. Super panic.

I actually ended up shoving the peft piece in my mouth just after time was up, but I think they were just happy I finished and didn’t have to boost and didn’t say anything. I walked away from snack with a mouthful of cookie.

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Yesterday

Yesterday was rough.

It started with me being incapable of providing a urine sample, which made me late for breakfast. It’s hard enough to finish when I have the full time. I was grumpy and exhausted.

At lunch, it was one of those stupid meals where one person is having a hard time and it infects everyone else. Out of the five patients at my table, four of us didn’t finish lunch. My first boost at this treatment center.

It feels like we’re eating all day. Breakfast, group, snack, group, lunch, group, snack, group, dinner, wrap up, evening snack.

In the afternoon, I found out my insurance said if I went to the work conference I was supposed to go to today, they would cut me off. That was devastating, and it took me the rest of the day and overnight to recover.

Needless to say, I was in a terrible mood at dinner. On top of that, dibber was disgusting. This reinforced my contrary mood, and I refused to eat dinner. 

More boost.

I chose the wrong flavor of boost and nearly threw up every time I tried to drink it. That was the hardest boost I’ve ever had.

When I was picked up, my parents wanted to get dinner for themselves on the way  home.  I told them I hadn’t eaten dinner and they bought me food, which I ate frantically, then purged.

I also found another bottle of laxatives I had hidden. I proceeded to take some.

So yesterday sucked.

Today is going better.