The person I’ve become

Who I am hates who I’ve been by Relient K with lyrics: http://youtu.be/FSbVZKs8B_8

 

Replace “never should have said that”  with “never should have done that” (restrict, purge, take laxatives, etc). 

Escape

You can probably figure out why this reminds me so much of life with an eating disorder:

Relient K-Be My Escape w/ lyrics: http://youtu.be/MkHuUgJC1ok

I go down hard

Old, but so true.

Relient K- When I Go Down: http://youtu.be/TDskMF54vnw

What Eating disorders are Really About – This Resonates

“It’s not about food or weight…It’s about feeling unsafe in the world. It’s about feeling like we can’t trust anyone, not even ourselves. The Eating Disorder becomes “the reliable one”.

It’s about the feelings we can’t verbalize, that can’t be expressed through words so we try to “say” it with our bodies.

It’s about an extreme, intense feeling of being inadequate.  Like nothing we do or say or feel is “right”. “Not thin enough” often means something more painful to admit. That we are not enough. full stop.

It’s about feeling overwhelmed by life. Like nothing makes sense. Nothing is simple. The Eating Disorder gives us a sense of calm…to an outsider our life may look like it is in absolute chaos but it gives us the false sense of security we so desperately need. Problems that seem too big and complicated to deal with, feelings that are uncomfortable to sit with; the Eating Disorder provides us with simple, concrete answers to our distress. Our bodies are the problem and we need to fix the problem by losing weight.

It’s about needing to feel loved and comforted but feeling unworthy of real love and comfort. It’s about hating having needs and desires. For some of us, needs make us feel greedy and selfish. For some of us, having needs means we can easily get hurt if those needs are not met. For some of us, we don’t believe we deserve to have our needs met. We try to convince ourselves that we don’t need anything by avoiding food, one of our greatest primal needs.”

Read the rest here.

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Ugh. Just ugh.

You know what’s worse than the smell of vomit? Month-old vomit.

Punched in the Gut

I finally heard back from the eating disorder treatment center. They told me that they can’t help me, and suggested a psychiatric unit instead.

How to be an adult?

Not a dick: a man’s perspective on modesty

Hannah Schaefer

There is so much to be said about modesty – more than what can be summed up in one blog post – and after my post about modesty and yoga pants, I realized there is so much more to the topic than what I can address as a woman. My dear friend Austin has offered to share some of his thoughts, and I’m so excited for you to read them. You can find him on Twitter at @LindnerAustin and Instagram at austincarrmusic.

I’m a man. And I generally like to think of myself as more than a penis.

As ridiculous as that sounds, it’s honestly how I feel whenever a heated conversation about modesty begins. The two sides of the debate form opposing lines, ready to attack the other side with thrown words or rocks at the drop of a hat. And without a doubt, whenever the “modest is…

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Reading about myself

 

This is the scenario I was presented in an exercise on https://mystrength.com, a site my counselor suggested.

It was crazy reading this because change a few of the details and it’s the story of me. I was especially amazed by the jump from anxiety about a presentation to thoughts of quitting her job.

That’s so me.

I can recognize how silly it seems right now, but when I’m in that moment, it seems like the only logical conclusion.