Fighting the good fight

Standard

Today is the first time in the 2 weeks I’ve been back in treatment that I’ve even remotely tried to follow my meal plan.

Sort of.

I ate a small bowl of cereal and half the milk I put in the bowl. I also took my meds and drank a half glass of water.

These are all huge victories.

However, I’m now left nauseous and anxious and trying to keep my food on the inside.

I still have the large, black “STOP” on my hand. It is a reminder not to binge, but also not to purge. I am trying.

It shouldn’t be so hard to keep food in. People all over the world go all day, every day eating food and not giving a second thought as to whether they should keep that food down, whether they should let it digest. Why can’t it be that simple for me?

I wish it weren’t such an internal struggle to just not throw up my food.

I’m going to keep trying. I’m going to win this one.

I may not have faith yet that I can win the war against bulimia, but just this meal, I’m going to win the battle. It’s my turn, dammit. I will be victorious.

I just need to stay away from the bathroom for a few hours, and distract the hell out of myself. No big deal, right? (If only)

Advertisements

One response »

Join the conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s