Missing my scale

This is how I feel without my scale.

The other day, I actually cried when I saw the space my scale used to occupy.

This morning after I didn’t go to the doctor, therefore didn’t get to know my current weight, I decided I needed me scale back.

I emailed my counselor, telling her this.

She responded, “I didn’t have the chance to see you today and I’m out until Tuesday. Make sure to talk to [nutritionist] about this, and I’d like to talk to you about it, too. I know it’s really difficult once you give that thing up…hang in there.”

I don’t want to hang in there, and I don’t want to wait until Tuesday to get my scale back. I am frustrated.

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Trying to Stay Grounded

My day before treatment was pretty bad.

I got up early to go to a doctor appointment, and got a call one minute before I planned to leave telling me my doctor wouldn’t be in the office today. I rescheduled for next Wednesday.

Then, I went back to bed, having a migraine. I stayed in bed until around noon. I got up, binged and purged, then played The Sims until the last minute instead of studying for my final, took a shower, and left.

I was really nauseous during dinner and despite trying really hard, I couldn’t finish and had to boost.

After dinner was art. I enjoy art. Tonight I made grounding stones out of clay. They’re kind of like worry stones, but I made them to re-ground myself when I’m freaking out, feeling the need to self-harm, or feeling suicidal.

They’re all different shapes and sizes. I put a word on the bottom of each. Some are smooth and some are textured. I’m hoping they will help ground me. I want to paint them next week, then maybe I’ll take pictures and show you.

After art we had the friends and family group. My dad came.

He didn’t seem to be at all interested or present during group, but afterward in the car, he told me he was glad he came, and he’ll keep coming.

I was shocked.

My goal for tomorrow is to follow my meal plan.