I woke up with a migraine. I have no motivation to do anything. I basically want to sleep all day. I don’t want to be up right now, I don’t want to shower, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to take my meds (except the painkillers I just downed), I don’t want to drink anything, I don’t want to DO anything, I don’t want to go to treatment today, I just want to go back to bed. Forever.
Remember how I thought I was going to enjoy Wednesday nights because we get to do art therapy?
Tonight was…not good.
I manged to finish my whole dinner. This left me feeling this horrible, confusing mixture of pride and GIANT, excessive guilt. Also disgust. And naturally, I spent the next few hours incredibly nauseous.
After dinner, we had art therapy. Great, right!?
No.
I have no idea why, but I started crying about 10 minutes in for no apparent reason. Then, at the end, I got to talk about why I was crying.
I had a really hard time the rest of the night. I sat in the back of the room during the second group and basically just cried softly to myself the whole time.
I didn’t eat snack.
You’re supposed to boost if you don’t have snack, but I kind of snuck out while the staff was busy. I’m sure I’ll hear about it tomorrow.
On the way home I got really carsick. Like, ridiculously carsick. I almost threw up on the way home. I took some nausea meds but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to keep them down long enough for it to work. Luckily, I was able to and I’m starting to feel a lot better.
In other news, I went to the doctor this morning, got blood work and an x-ray. I got hardly any sleep last night and I had a terrible headache that turned into a migraine, so it’s been a long day. Between the doctor and treatment, I went to the laundromat to wash clothes, so this is really the first time I’ve had to just relax today.
I had a staff member tell me today that I need to eat before I come in tomorrow. I explained that I’m having a really hard time doing that because I know that I’m going to have to eat dinner and a snack and not purge either of them. She suggested trying to eat something, anything.
I said I would try to eat a hard boiled egg. I was half-lying. I don’t know yet whether I will actually try.
A couple of bright notes, now!
Tomorrow, my sister is coming into town so I get to see her and my baby niece and nephew!
Also tomorrow is the last day of treatment for this week! I cannot wait for a break! I’m am exhausted. This has been such a long week.
a2eternity 