Relief, Disappointment, and Grief

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It’s Easter Sunday. Gone are the days of Easter baskets filled with candy, and I can’t say I’m sad. As a recovering bulimic, a basket of candy would just be asking for trouble. However, I at least expected my family to get together today.

I tried several times to firm up plans with my family to get together today for at least part of the day, and everyone reassured me they wanted to get together, but no one would actually commit to anything. I feel disappointed. I feel relieved that I don’t have to worry about an Easter dinner, but disappointed that I am not with my family today. It makes me miss my late sister and her kids even more than I normally do. She always got everyone together for holidays. She planned elaborate get togethers. She had a knack for planning and getting people together. I don’t have that. And I miss her today. And I miss my family today. And it makes me both want to binge and purge.

10 responses »

  1. Hi hun! Sorry to hear things didn’t go to plan. I sense you were trying to do what your sister would but you are your own person. Maybe people thought it would stress you out too much. I think their actions say more about them than you. I can’t stop you from binging and purging but try and see how far you have come. Pat yourself on the back. Will one day of purging make today any different? You are the one that has grown and changed, don’t let others actions determine your own xxxx I also feel guilty -I’ve had a bito f chocolate and feel bigger. It sucks cos rationally I can’t be magically bigger. I refuse to go near the scales until tomorrow. Please keep yourself safe xoxoxox

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’ll get there one day. I never thought I could ever enjoy easter, it took a long time, but it can happen. I thought I would have it forever, that I would never enjoy holidays because of the urges. I guess I want you to know that it can get better. Even if you think it’s impossible now.
    Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry to hear that you weren’t able to get together with your family. I understand the disappointment. I know you will keep on fighting to make your goal. In the meantime, please accept some sincere love and support from me. In Christ, Jeff

    Liked by 1 person

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