Dreading

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I’m already dreading therapy on Wednesday. Partly it’s because I haven’t done my homework or my diary card this last week and I didn’t even go to therapy or group last week. I want to just drop out of the group. I can’t believe I made a year-long commitment. I don’t know if I can make it. I don’t know if I can do this week, let alone a year.

I am dreading seeing my therapist. I am dreading doing another chain analysis. I am dreading telling her all the behaviors I’ve engaged in the last 2 weeks. I’m dreading her wanting me to change and me not wanting to. I am just dreading.

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7 responses »

  1. I know well the feeling of dread.
    I’m so sorry.
    It’s really hard to keep going to appointments and do homework. I hope your therapists know that. It is just too hard for you to do the homework at the moment. That’s just as valid as having been able to do it. Perhaps if you wanted something to look at in therapy could be why it was so hard to do. That’s just as important as if you had been able to do it. I really really hope no therapist and nobody in your group woUld be rejecting to you because it was too hard to do a homework or go to one of the sessions.
    In my therapy group some weeks some members, including me, find it really hard to talk at all and we are allowed to say that. Sometimes we look at why that is. Sometimes that is too much right then and we don’t.
    If another chain analysis isn’t what you need right now could you ask if you could do something else I wonder?
    I find it really hard when I think long range like a commitment for a year, 2 years, etc, or even think about a time distant from now. Often it’s all I can do to give each day or each hour. If that’s what you can do right now – and it is so hard – that’s okay.( I know it doesn’t feel that way as I can’t accept these things for myself yet either! )
    I’m so sorry it’s so hard for you.
    Ginny xx

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I so agree with the above. Sometime I have to break it down to – I did well this hour and I am going to try to continue that. Or sometimes I didn’t do well but I’ll have to try and figure out my trigger for the past event. Hoping you go to therapy this week and she can have good suggestions for you.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Meh. Give it up, or don’t. But before you do, I recommend going back and reading your prior posts, where you said you needed and wanted this. If you still want to give up, then go for it. Everyone else might not, but I support the decision. That said… Breathing is an autonomous function. It’s going to happen whether or not you decide to do it, so someone telling you to do it isn’t helpful. Focusing on your breathing may be, but if I ever try that, it exacerbates the problem and rumination. And I’m done rambling, my words aren’t important.

    Liked by 1 person

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