I’m still here



Sorry for not updating lately. I’ve been super busy this week. I know I left my blog on a down note. It’s been a hard week, but I’ve been trying (with varying success) to follow my meal plan and stay recovery focused.

Last night in treatment, we had art. I decided I needed to work with clay because I wanted to worked with something 3D and tactile. I found I didn’t really like the clay because I wanted the objects to be smooth and pretty and I couldn’t figure out how to get them that way no matter what I tried. However, I’m happy with what I made.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you may remember when I was dating the boy, and how he told me he didn’t actually love me and that he was only in a relationship with me because he was afraid of not being in a relationship. How I felt so used and broken. Well, the boy and I stayed friends since I broke up with him. I think because we were together for 5 years and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it in some capacity.

However, I realized last night that by staying friends with him, I’ve been holding onto a hope that we would eventually get back together. That at some point, he would truly love me. I realized last night that I need to let go. I need to start moving forward. I need to have an open heart to what’s going on in my life right now and what can happen in the future and by doing that, my heart can grow, and can be open to something new.

I have a date for Valentine’s Day. I realized that even though I’m starting to move on, I was still holding onto the boy. I need to let go of him to fully embrace the new things that are happening. It’s not fair to the new guy and it’s not fair to me if my heart isn’t fully in it. So here’s to letting go, being open, and growing into new things.


16 responses »

  1. Glad you’re working on moving on. I don’t think you should be friends with your exes (at least for the first 6 months to a year after a breakup). In my experience it doesn’t exactly work out. Here’s to new things! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi there, I hope you dont mind me commenting but I just wanted to express how happy reading this made me. I know I don’t know you, but your posts really resonate with me, and particularly the boy. I split up with someone I adored, and whilst my heart still aches I know I need to let him go. I just wanted to say that, passed on my personal experience, I think you’ve made a really great choice. X

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Full credit to you. I love the artwork and the jagged side of it kinda represents the turmoil of it to me. I think it’s an excellent representation. I hope your Valentine’s Day date turns out well.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My daughter went through the same thing. She finally figured it out, and it’s great to see you doing that too! I keep reading you, because I hear spirit, I hear heart, I hear determination, and I hope adding my small cheers for you help somehow!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m glad you can see you need to let go- it sounds like you are taking a really healthy attitude to relationships.

    Find someone who really does love you, you shouldn’t have to wait for his feelings to change.

    Good luck on your date!


    Liked by 1 person

  6. Congratulations on letting go of the boy – that is a real step forwards that will allow you to move on into a new relationship. I too stayed “friends” with my ex, the ex-armed robber pimp and drug dealer who’d forgotten how long he’d spent in jail. But it was so sexually and emotionally charged between us it wasn’t like a normal friendship and it definitely stopped me moving on. When he had a baby with his new girlfriend I had a nervous breakdown as I was still so involved with him. Since I stopped contacting him I have moved on and am hoping 2016 is the year I find Mr Right!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Thanks for your honesty. Thanks for sharing this. This post has resonated well with me as I’m in that season too of trying to let go. I have to let go! I have to move on forward. Thank you for this. It is a definite confirmation to what’s already in my mind… Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

Join the conversation

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s