Tag Archives: future

I’m still here

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Letgo

Sorry for not updating lately. I’ve been super busy this week. I know I left my blog on a down note. It’s been a hard week, but I’ve been trying (with varying success) to follow my meal plan and stay recovery focused.

Last night in treatment, we had art. I decided I needed to work with clay because I wanted to worked with something 3D and tactile. I found I didn’t really like the clay because I wanted the objects to be smooth and pretty and I couldn’t figure out how to get them that way no matter what I tried. However, I’m happy with what I made.

If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you may remember when I was dating the boy, and how he told me he didn’t actually love me and that he was only in a relationship with me because he was afraid of not being in a relationship. How I felt so used and broken. Well, the boy and I stayed friends since I broke up with him. I think because we were together for 5 years and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it in some capacity.

However, I realized last night that by staying friends with him, I’ve been holding onto a hope that we would eventually get back together. That at some point, he would truly love me. I realized last night that I need to let go. I need to start moving forward. I need to have an open heart to what’s going on in my life right now and what can happen in the future and by doing that, my heart can grow, and can be open to something new.

I have a date for Valentine’s Day. I realized that even though I’m starting to move on, I was still holding onto the boy. I need to let go of him to fully embrace the new things that are happening. It’s not fair to the new guy and it’s not fair to me if my heart isn’t fully in it. So here’s to letting go, being open, and growing into new things.

Today I will:

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Yesterday sucked. I binged and purged and didn’t follow my meal plan at all. I was left with a lot of guilt and shame and disgust.

  • So, today, I will follow my meal plan 100%.
  • Today I will NOT binge and purge.
  • Today I will focus on recovery.
  • Today I will take time for self-care.
  • Today I will let go of the past two days of failure and look to my future.

Looking forward to freedom

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freedom

This weekend, my homework was to take my trigger list, pick the top 5, and write out 3 coping skills for each. My other homework was to make a body image timeline.

I finished the trigger coping skills pretty quickly. The body image timeline has taken me all weekend and I just finished.

I had some scratch paper and scratch board lying around from years ago and decided I would make a  sheet for each point on the timeline. I have to present my timeline, so I wanted to come up with a creative way to do so.

Most of them have pictures, but the last one is the image above.

“The future holds freedom.”

That’s what I keep trying to remind myself.