I’m waiting at my doctor’s office for a physical assessment that’s required by the eating disorder clinic, that may not even matter since it doesn’t sound like they want to help me. But I’m determined to do whatever I can to show them I’m serious, so I’m here, waiting to be poked and prodded, have blood drawn and urine taken and tests done.
I hope it’s worth it.
I am tired. I am weary. I have been so busy this week. Between appointments, spending time at the hospital with my dad, treatment, pre-surgery stuff, helping out around the house, plus we have been going through our storage unit trying to get rid of as much as possible so we can stop paying an extra $200 a month on a storage unit to store a bunch of stuff we don’t need. That’s physically exhausting between the fibromyalgia and the rheumatoid arthritis. I woke up this morning fatigued, tired, ready to sleep another night. My body aches and my brain feels like cotton. I have another day of looking through boxes and moving furniture and then spending time with my dad at the hospital.
I’m grateful to be able to spend time at the hospital. But I feel guilty if I take time to myself because he’s there 24/7 alone, bored, restless, in pain. I know I need to take care of myself too, and I’m trying, but finding the right balance has been hard. Today is a week since we ambushed him. A week he’s been in the hospital. He’ll find out more tomorrow about when he can come home.
Day #28: What have you learned this 28 days?
I have learned that it’s hard for me to stick to a challenge like this. I’ve also learned that I can do it. I’ve learned that I can be kind and gentle with myself. I’ve learned that others are very kind to me. And very encouraging. I’ve learned it’s good to take a moment to stop my negative thoughts and try to think well of myself, even if it is just for that moment.
Day #17: Something that feeds your soul.
Music. There is nothing like music to uplift my spirits, to focus me, to bring me back to the present, or to transport me to another world altogether.
Day #16: Something you like about yourself.
This is a hard one. I am generally very self-critical of myself. I don’t see a lot of good in myself, not much to like, so I had to really think about this one. After much thought, I realized I like my sense of loyalty. I am a loyal friend and am always available when others need me (when I can be). I like that about myself.
Today is Sunday, which seems like a good day to start something new. And today, the something new that I’m starting is an all-liquid diet. Now, it’s sort of a modified all-liquid diet as the smoothies didn’t start as all liquid ingredients, but they end up that way! And it’s just the frozen fruit that was solid anyway. SO, starting today, it’s shakes and smoothies and that’s it. Nothing else is allowed. And definitely no starches!
Day #7: One thing that’s just for you.
This is my Jamberry collection (minus my lacquers, which I forgot to include in the photo). Doing my nails is something I do just for me. It’s something that helps me relax and feel calm. It’s the one and only thing that makes me feel pretty and feminine. It’s my favorite part of the week.
I can’t actually insert a photo of myself. Anonymity on this blog is the only thing that lets me post honestly here. Instead, I’m going to share a quote I saw on another blog that I felt fit me well.
It’s one of those nights when I’m awake every half hour. It makes the night drag. I just want some restful sleep.
So most of my family lives in the metro area, but one sister and her husband live about an hour and a half away in the Springs. Normally, because everyone else lives here, we plan our family get togethers for here, but I thought it would be nice to go to the Springs for a change this holiday weekend so my sister could take a break from the long drive.
Well, let me tell you, it didn’t go quite as planned. First, 2 of my brothers had to work so they didn’t come. Then, the third wasn’t feeling well today, which I’m pretty sure is code for he drank too much last night, so he didn’t come either. That left my sister and brother-in-law, my parents, and me. We all got a super late start, so the Springs sister was waiting at the park for us for almost an hour before we arrived. I felt so bad. Then, my sisters spent most of the afternoon shuttling the toddler twins around the playground, and my brothers-in-law went off together to talk, so it was just my parents and me. I thought about joining my sisters, but my fibromyalgia was starting to flare and I just wasn’t up to walking around the playground in 88° heat. I felt mildly disappointed because I can see my parents anytime I want. But whatever.
I also struggledwith the picnic food. I brought hummus with various thing for dipping and that was my safest and least anxiety-provoking option, but I still struggle eating in front of others. I did alright.
We were going to finish off the night with watching hot air balloons go off, but the venue filled up before we could get there so now we’re on our way home.
My view right now: