Struggling to focus

I’m really struggling to focus on my nutrition class this weekend. This week’s topic is weight loss and it’s really triggering me. I’m trying to power through it, but it’s really hard. I find myself wanting to just skip the reading and take the test, which I would probably fail. (Or pass, who knows, maybe all my years of focus on weight loss has taught me enough to pass the test.) I just don’t want to do this section. I don’t have a choice; though, so I keep going. Slowly. In small, measured doses.

Advertisement

Just trying to deal

Yesterday was rough. I binged and purged twice instead of following my meal plan. Then, this morning, the scale said I had gained 6 pounds since yesterday morning. Ugh! I can’t even deal today. I don’t know whether or not I’m going to try to follow my meal plan today. I want to fast so I can lost that weight I gained binging yesterday. But I also know that if I don’t try then I won’t be working toward recovery, which is what I ultimately want, even if it doesn’t feel like I want it right now. I don’t know. I’m just overwhelmed and exhausted.

Fasting

I’m fasting. I went to the doctor and he told me I need to lose weight. So, I will, the only way I know how.

I don’t know how long I’ll be fasting, but for now, indefinitely.

Even if it’s just dehydration

After seeing the scale just now, being up all night dealing with a laxative overdose was worth it.

1,000 followers. Ask me questions!

I have reached 1,000 followers!

To celebrate, I’m going to take your questions! Ask me questions about myself and I’ll answer them. They can be serious or silly, your choice!

 

***Update***
But don’t ask how I got so many followers because a few people have already asked, so I’m already answering that. 😉

In flavor heaven

Something you may or may not know about me is that I looove peanut butter. I don’t eat it often, but I love it immensely.

Well, tonight, I decided it was too late to throw coffee into my shake like I normally do (since I normally drink it in the morning) but I wanted to mix it up from just straight chocolate, so I threw a little peanut butter into my Shakeology. Can we say delicious?? It tastes like Reese’s peanut butter cups. It feels too naughty to be my healthiest meal of the day. Sometimes, and this is probably my eating disorder talking, I feel guilty for drinking my shakes because they’re so yummy that I feel like I must be doing something wrong.

Deliciousness for dinner

I’m so excited my shakes came in today! They weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow, but you won’t hear me complaining!!

After having Shakeology for a week with the samples I got, I found myself craving them after I ran out. My body just doesn’t get that kind of rich nutrition when I don’t have them. I’m so relieved to have them again. So, of course, for dinner I’m having some Shakeology!

I’m also excited to start Cize. I tried some of the previews for it and it really showed me how uncoordinated I am, but it was also very fun and kicked my butt, so I’m looking forward to adding it to my workout routine.

I also got together with my sisters and mom today for some girl time. We did gel manis and played with my niece and nephew and just hung out. It was fun. On the agenda for today: cycling, Cize, don’t binge.

It’s here!

My shakes and new exercise regimen have arrived! I’m so excited!!

You burn more calories when you have a fever, I just read

I just read an article that explained the science behind how you burn more calories when you have a fever. I get fevers frequently due to my rheumatoid arthritis. I wish this translated into tangible, visible weight loss.

Last Day of Shakes…for now

So I’m on my last day of samples I was given. I’m loving the shakes. My energy is up and my cravings are down. They’re very filling and nutritious. Plus, the chocolate with coffee and the vanilla with peanut butter are like heaven in a cup. You shouldn’t be allowed such deliciousness for a meal. PLUS, I’m down 5 pounds this week! That’s huge for me. Getting weight off for me is like pulling teeth. I always lose a pound or two and then gain it back (thanks, bulimia). To be down 5 pounds is phenomenal!

Today I’m drinking the vegan strawberry with frozen strawberries and kiwi blended in. It’s pretty good. Not like the chocolate or vanilla, but enjoyable.

I plan to continue my shakes and smoothies. The smoothies will continue without interruption because I have what I need for them here (namely food and/or grocery stores) but there will be a small break in my shakes while I wait for my shakes I ordered to arrive. Hopefully just a few days.

I did get several people asking me where they can get their own shakes. You buy them online. The website is http://www.shakeology.com/etharia. As I mentioned to one person, I recommend the chocolate (I LOVE it with iced coffee) or vanilla (can be mixed with anything to make it any flavor you desire, I love it with peanut butter). I didn’t care for any of the other flavors, except this vegan strawberry is alright. I ordered the chocolate because I want to have my shakes in the morning for breakfast and will be having it with my coffee. I can’t wait for it to arrive!! (Sorry, I’m a little obsessed now.)