Reflections on my Weekend

I spent my weekend with my brothers. For the most part, it was great. We play games, we drank vodka, we caroused, we enjoyed each other’s company.  The was only one down side.

As you may know, I was on a restrictive diet when I left for the weekend. While drunk, I ended up eating. I woke up the next morning, remembered eating a sandwich, and was suddenly filled with dark suicidal thoughts. You don’t know regret until your regret comes with the knowledge that you need and deserve to be dead because of the mistake you made.

Luckily the suicidal thoughts only lasted an hour or so, but it was a rough morning.

So, tomorrow, I am starting the diet over and it will be a fasting day.

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I just want vodka

I have some vodka hiding away from my parents in my brother’s fridge. I want to consume it. However, I don’t have any chaser or anything to mix it with. I can’t do straight vodka. Shucks. It’s probably for the best, I’m almost at my 400 calories for today. Maybe in 2 days, when I’m on my 800 day. I think Friday will be vodka day.

You need to take your medications every day

I got a call from my doctor this morning. My thyroid is “extremely low” and I was reminded that I need to take my meds every day. Oh, right. I should get on that.

I’ve been having such a hard time taking my meds consistently. I know I need to, and I feel better when I do, I just have a hard time taking them consistently, for multiple reasons.

In other news, I went to my brothers’ on Saturday night. It wasn’t planned like it normally is, they basically just said, hey, wanna come over right now? So I did. We played Phantasy Star Online and drank vodka and talked all night.

I might have had a little too much to drink. I don’t actually remember going to bed. In fact, the last thing I remember from the night is taking a shot around 5am. I don’t remember the next five hours, but I woke up at 10am in bed.

Earlier that night, I fell off the stairs outside their apartment that leads up to the second story. I was sitting on them, talking to my brother and I stood up to go inside (probably for another shot) and I missed a step and fell. The stairs and the path below it are concrete. I scraped up my elbow pretty badly. I also have quite a few bruises. Brilliant on my part.

Yesterday, my family went to the park to celebrate three birthdays. Two of my brothers and I have birthdays all within one week. My mom made a cake and my youngest brother’s girlfriend decorated it. I should have gotten a picture. It looked like a Storm Trooper’s head.

We played several games, board and card, and ate cake. I ate my obligatory piece of birthday cake. That was all I ate yesterday. And still, I had gained weight when I checked this morning. Ugh.

I was supposed to meet with the mental health guy this morning, but I didn’t go. I was very tired from not sleeping much this weekend and also because, as I learned this morning, my thyroid is very low. I also didn’t have a way to get there because I forgot to remind my ride, so I just decided to skip it. We did talk on the phone really quickly, just to check in.

Thursday is my birthday, and Friday my out-of-state friend is coming to visit. I’m excited that I get to see her. When I thought I would be starting PHP this week, I didn’t think I would get to.