This first week back in treatment has been hard. I got hardly any schoolwork done, I ate meals and snacks every night with strangers, I’m overwhelmed with trying to follow my meal plan and not binge-and-purge and catch up on homework and deal with my emotions and everything that treatment entails. Now I’m on my own for the weekend and I’ve already purged 2 meals today and so want to binge and purge tonight. I am weary. I am tired from the week and from treatment. I need time off. I can’t wait until the semester is over.
I’m super tired. I want to sleep. I need to use the bathroom and move a couple things off my bed. I don’t have the energy.
I fall over sideways and rest mu head on the blanket. I’ll just rest here a minute.
Tonight, I am terribly listless. Normally while using my bike, I watch stuff on Netflix. Tonight, nothing seems interesting. Nothing on tv, nothing on the computer, nothing in my home seems to hold any interest. I’m not even that interested in exercising, I just can’t escape the demons.
So, I am back on my bike. Bored and tired and disinterested, waiting for the magic number that says I can go to sleep.