Coping

Yesterday, as you may know, was US Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is hard for people with eating disorders, and it was hard for me.

Don’t get me wrong, there were many things I enjoyed. Seeing my family. Playing with my niece and nephew. Playing board games together. Sitting around and talking together.

But there were things that were hard. The large amounts of food. Eating in front of a large group of people. Listening to my sisters and brother-in-law talk about their diets and weight loss efforts. Feeling watched and judged while I ate. Feeling absolutely stuck.

I didn’t purge yesterday, but I did use a boat load of laxatives yesterday and again today.

This morning I ate 3 pieces of pie for breakfast, followed by a handful of laxatives.

Advertisement

An exercise in will?

I leave for California in 2 weeks. All I can think of is how massive and disgusting I am.

He wants to go to the beach and I just want to hide inside.

I keep toying with the idea of not eating between now and when I leave.