I’m really struggling to focus on my nutrition class this weekend. This week’s topic is weight loss and it’s really triggering me. I’m trying to power through it, but it’s really hard. I find myself wanting to just skip the reading and take the test, which I would probably fail. (Or pass, who knows, maybe all my years of focus on weight loss has taught me enough to pass the test.) I just don’t want to do this section. I don’t have a choice; though, so I keep going. Slowly. In small, measured doses.
I just got home from my doctor appointment. I got all the labs and tests the eating disorder center want, plus a few my doctor wanted. She also wants me to start drinking 2 ensures a day. And keeping them down, she added after a couple seconds.
Inside I’m freaking out, but I know I need to be willing to do what I’m told is in my best interest if I’m ever going to recover. If I can’t even drink ensure, I’ll never be able to eat 3 meals. So I will try.
I’ll start with one a day, and try to work my way up. Facing my fears.