LoveMe Challenge, Day 14

Day #14: Share a fear you overcame.

Nothing comes to mind. I spent the better part of 15 minutes trying to think of something, but couldn’t.

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Loveme Challenge, Day 8

Day #8: Share a scar.

First of all, I’m a day late, sorry about that. Yesterday was hectic. I went to the ENT and had to run errands and pick up prescriptions, and then I went up to the mountains again with my dad for several hours, so I didn’t get a chance to do this one, so you’ll get this one and today’s today. 😀

I don’t know if it means a scar literally or figuratively. I’m going to share an actual, physical scar that I have.

This scar is from the first time I cut deeper then superficially on my arm. It scared me. I should have gotten stitches, but I was afraid to go and tell someone what I’d done. I remember lying to my boss about it, when she saw it. I said I had caught it on a nail in my garage. I have no Idea whether she believed me. Probably not since I had a bunch of other self-harm scars on my arm.

For the longest time, I hated this scar. I thought it was huge and ugly. Well, it kind of still is, but I’ve come to accept it as part of my story. Part of my me, who I am, and where I’ve been. It’s a sign of strength. In that moment I could have given up. I was really struggling, but instead I found a way to cope. It may not have been a healthy way, but it kept me alive, and it kept me going, and it did its job until I could find better ways to cope. And I’m still here, still fighting, learning more and more how to thrive instead of just survive. I’m proud of that moment of strength when I chose not to give up.

Pool Therapy

I just got back from physical therapy. I had it in the pool today. Wow! I’m so much more sore after being in the pool than being in the gym! I didn’t expect that at all!

I had a blast, though. I love being in the pool. I need to get a gym membership to a gym with a pool so I can work on these exercises on my own.

To my brothers and sisters suffering from an eating disorder

I call you brother and sister because we are on this painful, misunderstood, stereotyped, mysterious journey together. Though we have never met, though we don’t agree or believe the same on everything, though our stories are different, at this moment in time, we understand each other like so few do, like so few can.

And you, you right there, you are beautiful.

I was struck by this truth as I read the blog of a fellow sufferer. There is a beauty in you that comes from the pain, that comes from struggling each day, each meal, each minute, and continuing to continue. There is beauty in your strength. There is beauty in your vulnerability. There is beauty in your struggle, and beauty in your resilience.

That includes you.

I wish me telling you this could make you see your own beauty, could make you understand that you need to stop abusing yourself in your own mind. I know it won’t. But know that I believe it’s true for you.

This includes every parent, friend, bully, significant other, stranger, and everyone in between. It also includes the voice in your head that tells you you’re not good enough.

You are beautiful. Try to mull that over for a bit. Not only that, you are strong. You are so much stronger than you realize. You are here, you are reading this, and that means you’ve overcome every obstacle in your life so far, and you’re still here. You may not have the best coping mechanisms, you may not know or see your strength, but you are strong just for surviving. And you are worth it. You are worth being on this earth. You are worth that food. You are worth the air you breathe and the space you take up. You are also worth recovery, and I hope that if you don’t see that you, someday you will.

Thank you for being here. When your head tells you you’re not worth it, or that you shouldn’t be here, remember that I am so grateful that you are here. Keep existing. ❤