I got mad at my stationary bike

This afternoon, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, looking at my stationary bike with loathing and spite. I felt deceived, lied to.

When I got my bike, before I got it, I thought, “I’m going to lose so much weight!”

I spend hours on that damn bike every day. Want to know how much I’ve lost? Nothing.

Not one…damn…pound.

Because calories in versus calories out means absolutely shit when it comes to my body. Clearly, my fat did not get that memo.

I feel at my wit’s end. Before getting the bike, I just assumed I wasn’t losing because I ate too much and did too little. Now, I just don’t know what to do. It doesn’t seem to matter how much or little I eat, or how many hours I work out. That number just doesn’t budge. I can take diet pills and bottles of laxatives and throw up everything I eat and exercise until I vomit and pass out, and nothing works.

I just give up. I will be fat forever. I will die fat. I might as well just hurry it along.

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My goal

I’ve worked out twice today, an will hopefully work out again before bed. My goal is to work up my endurance to where I can just stay on the bike all day. If I’m on my bike, I’m not eating. If I’m exercising, I’m not hating myself (as much).

Knee pain and muscle weakness

Each day I have been increasing the duration of my workouts. I’m trying to work up to a specific goal (that I don’t want to share at the moment) so I add between 5 and 10 minutes each day.

Yesterday, I was responsible and took a rest day. It was HARD. However, I understand how bodies work, and I could tell my body needed the rest, so I forced myself to rest.

Today, when I went to do my workout, I was hopeful. I took a rest day, today’s going to be great! I’ll be rested, I’ll be able to workout longer, faster, better!

HAHAHAHA!

No.

Thirty-six seconds into my workout, my legs were screaming and complaining about how tired they were and how they didn’t want to do this.

36 seconds…

I have a feeling it had more to do with a lack of fuel (food) than being tired from exertion. So, I pushed through, and did increase my time. Unfortunately, whenever I exercise, my left knee and foot hurt. It’s very frustrating. After a while, though, I stop noticing.

On a random note, I did my workout today in a full length dress. Because I’m awesome like that. It did have a racerback cut, though, so that makes it sportswear, right? (The below picture is not me.)

Assuming I’m not in treatment (I doubt I’ll start before next Monday) I’m going to my brothers’ place this weekend. I enjoy being there with them, but I’m not looking forward to not being able to use my equipment for 3 days. Hopefully their pool will be open and I can go swimming.