Today, I got a jury summons. I’ve only received one before and wasn’t able to go. Normally, I would be excited to “do my civic duty”. However, you have to disclose whether you’ve ever been convicted of a crime. Here I’m going to let you in on a secret. I used to shoplift binge/purge food about 7 years ago. I was caught and arrested and scared straight. I really don’t want to disclose to people that I have to see in person that I used to steal. It’s embarrassing. I’m ashamed that I did it. I wish I could change it, but obviously, I can’t. So I feel repetitious about my jury summons.
In more exciting news, I bought a bike today! I also bought a new board game! So it was a very full day.
Day #5: A note to your past You.
Dear little girl,
I know you feel fat. You are not. No one ever told you this, so I am telling you. You are thin and lovely and perfect and there is nothing wrong with you. I know you think there is something wrong with you. There isn’t. I know you think the only way to fix it is to stop eating, to diet, to count your calories, to read the nutrition labels on your food. Don’t even start. It will only lead you down a road of pain and loneliness, of lies and deceit, of crime and shame, of regret and fear. Nothing will ever be the same once you start down that line. Don’t even go there. Tell someone instead. An adult. And keep telling them until someone listens and takes you seriously. It shouldn’t be so hard as a child to be taken seriously, so I’m sorry that you may have to fight for it, but learn to fight for what you need. Learn to advocate for yourself or no one else will. It will make you stronger in the end. Most of all, you still have a lot to face, and it’s going to be hard, but you will get through it. Don’t give up. Ever. You’re so much stronger then you think.
I love you, little girl.