Tag Archives: Self-conscious

The Great Pant Experiment: An update

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As you may remember, a few days ago, I bought the first pants I’ve owned in years. Not only were they pants, they were skinny jeans. Well, I wore them. I wore them in my home first. Then I wore them in public. And I found I like them. I liked wearing pants. They are comfortable and easy and casual and I just like them. So today, while I was out, I bought more pants! However, today, I bought *GASP* jeggings!! I thought, “I bought skinny jeans and loved them, the next logical step is jeggings.”

Yeah, I do NOT like them. Oh, don’t get me wrong, they are comfortable. They are like not wearing pants at all. Therein lies the problem. I feel sooo self-conscious in them. At least in the jeans I felt like I was wearing clothes. The jeggings feel like I’m wearing nothing, like I’m walking around without clothing on my bottom half. I feel indecent! Maybe it’s a feeling I’ll get used to, but I can’t see myself wearing them out of the house at this point. I would be so self-conscious, more so than normal, and that’s saying a lot.

Self-consciousness

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A friend texted me and asked if I wanted to come spend a day or so with her while she house sits later this week. 

I love this friend, but she is also bulimic, except she’s the bulimic I can’t seem to be. She’s tiny. She binges and purges all the time and looks anorexic. This is something I’ve never been able to accomplish. Even when I don’t eat and exercise all day I stay fat. 

The last few weeks since getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I haven’t been purging (until the last couple days) and I ran out of laxatives so I am full of feces. I’ve been sick and experiencing a really bad fibro flare up so I’ve hardly exercised. I’m afraid to weigh myself, but I know I’ve gained a lot. 

I told my friend I was too gargantuan to visi. 

I wish my desire to be with friends weren’t outweighed by my fear of them seeing my expanding body.