Tag Archives: Secrecy

Damn you, mug brownie. Damn you.

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I have seen these things floating around for years and have never tried them. When I first saw them, I was still anorexic and eating a mug of oatmeal or quinoa brought me to tears, let alone a brownie.

Then, I forgot about them for a long time, and in the last year-ish I’ve started seeing them again. I’ve been kind of afraid to try them, but tonight, I was watching Gilmore Girls with my mom and she mentioned wanting something sweet, so I offered to try making one of these.

It’s definitely not my mom’s homemade brownies, but it was still pretty delicious. And so easy, and so fast, with practically zero cleanup, and it uses so little of each ingredient, that it’s pretty unnoticeable, so it’s easy to hide. None of this is good for a bulimic.

Stereotypical Bulimia

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Do some people really eat in the bathroom? That would gross me out. I thought to myself last night that I have become a stereotypical bulimic. Then, while searching for a picture to use in this post, I realized that I’m not. I’m actually just bulimic. If you google image search for bulimia, you get lots of girls leaning over toilets, girls eating in bathrooms, thin girls with measuring tape around their waists, etc. It doesn’t show the normal weight, overweight, obese women who have so messed up their thyroid and metabolism that losing weight no longer works but who can’t stop the binge/purge cycle. It doesn’t show the shitting yourself in bed, at work, or in public because you took too many laxatives. It doesn’t show the secretive eating and the crushing shame and the need to hide any signs you may have eaten. It doesn’t show the purging in bushes or public restrooms or the trash can in your room. It doesn’t show the hidden containers of vomit you have hidden all over your room that you worry your roommates/parents will smell or stumble across and the plotting of how to dispose of them without being caught.  I could keep going, but I think you get the point.