The Challenge

I didn’t skip therapy today. I wanted to, but I didn’t. It went ok. She challenged me to pick one day this week to not use laxatives. I cried when I accepted, but I did accept.

I also saw my rheumatologist today. She’s pleased with my progress, with how the meds I’m on are helping my rheumatoid arthritis. She did suggest switching one to an injection, but is going to leave it as a pill for now. Thank goodness!! I also got labs done like every time I see her. I was stabbed in my arm, where they didn’t get anything, and then in my wrist, where they took several vials of blood. She also wants me back in physical therapy for my RA, which I look forward to. It’s like having a free (well, cheaper) personal trainer.

My laxative use has been on the rise lately, so it’s probably a good thing for me to take a day off this week. I’m just not looking forward to it.

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LoveMe Challenge, Day 21

Day #21: Something you are proud of.

I was originally going to say my family, but then I realized I probably am supposed to say something about myself.

So, what am I proud of? For a while I thought “nothing,” but then I realized I am proud of myself for pushing myself when I don’t want to, which I do all the time. For wearing pant when it’s hard. For agreeing to to a year-long DBT program when it scares me. For going out with friends when my anxiety tells me to stay home. For doing house cleaning when I’m in horrible pain. I’m proud of myself for pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

LoveMe Challenge, Day 6

Day #6: A note to your future You.

Dear future me,

I really don’t know what to say to you. I want to like you, to love you, but I’m not there yet. Maybe that’s what I’ll say. I hope that I love you. I hope that I like you. I hope we’ve made peace. I hope you are happy. I hope you are content with yourself. I hope you have found a good rhythm in recovery and are doing well with it. I hope you aren’t struggling still. I hope you’ve found the right balance with your exercise. I hope you feel ok. I know you’ll still have to deal with your diagnoses, but I hope right now in the future, you’re feeling well. I hope you have peace of mind. I hope you’re happy.

From, me

1,000 Followers! You Asked, I’m Answering!

Below are the questions I received, in the order I received them. I will answer them all!

• Who inspires you the most in your life? (jackloveswriting)
  • My dad. He has faced a lot of opposition in his life but he just keeps going and working hard. He’s never quit and never given up.

• You are stranded alone on an island with a single box. What is in that box? (ananonymousoutsider)
  • Does the island have wifi, because that might affect my decision. I’m assuming the island has no electricity, so I’m bringing some of my favorite books, books I can reread without getting bored. I would also bring a large journal and pens so I can write. My Bible and a highlighter. A tarp for shelter. Rope, because it’s handy for a lot of things. A pocket knife, for the same reason as the rope. And a life straw, just in case the water isn’t safe.

• Hi i am new to this site and I was wondering how do you use hashtags? Im not sure if I tagged my post right. (mhudss)
  • As far as I know, you don’t use hashtags on WordPress (maybe I’m missing out?) but you can tag your post.
  • 
  • If you scroll down while making a post, on the right, it says “Tags”. Type your tags, separated by a comma. Then, hit “Add”. That’s it! You’ve tagged your post!

• What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? (cavellemartin)
  • Salted caramel is my favorite guilty pleasure.

• What is your zodiac sign? (Deanne)
  • Cancer. That’s all I know about it. When I was in treatment, there were girls there who could tell you how it was supposed to affect your personality and decision making. All I know is I’m a cancer, and only because I looked it up once as a teen.

• Favorite book of all time? This does not rule out children’s books. The one book in all your life, that you can say is your fave. (threekidsandi)
  • The Hobbit. I read it probably once a year. I have a hardbound, annotated copy that is beautiful.

• What color socks are you wearing? (KatieComeBack)
  • When I got this question, I was wearing light blue socks with penguins on them. Now I’m wearing fuzzy red and white striped socks.

• 1,000?!?! That is phenomenal!! What is your secret to that?? How did you achieve that many followers?? (The Sound of Ed’s Voice)
  And can I have some?? LOL (KatieComeBack)
  Congratulations!
  Question 1: Why do you think you have so many followers? (Bracken5)
  • First, yeah sure, you can have some! I’m not stingy! Second, I’ll say, I’m not entirely certain how I got 1,000 followers, but if I had to guess, I would say it has something to do with my morning routine.
  • 
  • Each morning I go to my reader and I go through my list of tags (above you can see some of the tags I follow) and I read all the new posts in each tag category. I then like or comment on them. Comments are rare. If you get a comment on your blog post, feel honored because I rarely post comments. Comments make me anxious. But that’s a whole other blog post. By reading and reaching out to the blogging community, it’s only natural that some portion of them would be interested in who is reading their blog posts and would visit my site in turn. Then, a portion of those would be interested enough in my site to follow it. So basically, read a hell of a lot of blog posts (and like or comment on them) and you too can have a lot of followers. (This is just a theory, it may not work for you.)

• What’s the silliest thing you’ve done alone in your house on days you feel good – dance around, do cartwheels? Heehee (Faith)
  • Now I wish I had done really silly things so I could tell about them. I admit, I don’t really do many silly things. Stupid, yes, but not silly. And my place is too small for cartwheels, you would give yourself a concussion trying by spinning into a wall.

• A cup of tea + a good book makes me happy. Your turn. What makes you happy? (Ameena k.g)
  • An electric blanket, a mug of cocoa, snow, and a Christmas movie. It doesn’t matter the time of year. (It’s snowed in July here.)

• If you didn’t blog about eating disorders what would you write about?! (ambivalencegirl)
  • I would probably focus more on what life is like living with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis and bipolar disorder. As I become more recovery focused (fingers crossed) I may shift in that direction.

• If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you travel? (Lady CAS)
  • Germany, Austria, Ireland, and Scotland

I hope you enjoyed that. Thank you for submitting your questions!

LoveMe Challenge, Day 3

Day #3: A word that describes you.

persistent

[per-sis-tuh nt, –zis-]

adjective

1.

persisting, especially in spite of opposition, obstacles, discouragement, etc.; persevering:

2.

lasting or enduring tenaciously:

I feel the word that describes me is “persistent”. I’ve been through a lot in my life, and I continue to go through a lot, but I also persist. Sometimes despite myself, but I persist nonetheless. And I will continue to persist.

You burn more calories when you have a fever, I just read

I just read an article that explained the science behind how you burn more calories when you have a fever. I get fevers frequently due to my rheumatoid arthritis. I wish this translated into tangible, visible weight loss.

Rheumatology

This morning I had an appointment with my rheumatologist. I see her every 3 months for my rheumatoid arthritis. After the frustration of yesterday, today was so refreshing. I wish all the professionals I see were as professional and courteous as my rheumatologist.

I take a combination of medications for my RA, and for now they’re staying the same, but she did a whole series of blood work so she said it may change depending on how the results come back. I’m glad to have my rheumatology appointment out of the way for 3 months. They are always long and she always wants a lot of blood (6 vials today).

Today I…

I don’t actually have a drivers license. Yes, I’m 31 and have no license. Driving just makes me so anxious that I usually avoid it and have done so for 15 years. However, I recognize that I need my license for independence purposes, so today, I went driving. I drove around suburbs and quiet neighborhoods for about an hour. Next time, I might get out onto some main streets. I hope to be ready to pass my driving test within the next couple months.

I also worked a lot on my niece’s scarf, which is good because I’ve been so depressed lately that I haven’t been knitting and hardly anything has gotten done on it. I’ve made it to almost 2 feet now, so that’s wonderful! I need to have it finished by the 22nd when my sister gets back.

And I, of course, worked out. Food intake was pretty good today. I think it was pretty close to what a “normal” person would eat. I’m trying to curb the binging and restricting.

I also developed a fever. My rheumatologist told me this is a side effect of the rheumatoid arthritis. I took a nap for a couple hours and felt a little better after.

Also, this is my 500th post.

Good news, bad news?

So, I’ll start with the not exciting news.

I got a call from my rheumatologist. Based on my symptoms and recent lab work, she believes I might have rheumatoid arthritis. I need to go in for some x-rays to know for sure. If I don’t have it now, I’m at high risk to develop it, she says.

This is kind of scary.

Now for the exciting news!
I got a call from my case worker for my insurance and learned that the company they go through for behavioral health has changed. I called them, and they said I should have the eating disorder center resubmit a request for treatment and that I might have a good shot at getting covered for more time.

I should know something sometime next week. Please pray and hope with me. While I decided that I can’t do the recovery thing right now, that’s because I can’t do just outpatient right now. It’s simply not a high enough level of care. Especially coming from the IOP and having that cut short. But if I can get approved for more time, or (I’m afraid to even hope for this) PHP, I really believe I can make some progress.

So, there’s my news. I’ll know more about both in the upcoming weeks and I’ll keep you informed.