Tag Archives: Quit

Easter is just a sick joke to you

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I was having a hard time today because it’s Easter and just on the other side of town my family got together for church and a picnic with games while I am stuck here in treatment. It wouldn’t hurt so much, maybe, if I were out of the state, but having them so close yet unavailable was hard.

Then, we took an outing to a park after lunch. Not the same park my family was at, but the park my family always went to while my grandparents were alive. The park that holds so many memories of them and memories of my late sister. And here I was, without my grandparents, without my sister, and without my family. I cried most of the time we were at the park.

After the park was a snack challenge. Because taking a van full of eating disordered people to panera and watching them cry on a holiday is someone’s idea of fun.

It’s been a long, hard day. I’m ready for it to be over. I’m ready to go home and binge and purge. I’m ready to quit treatment. 

Why I can’t quit: a realization

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I’m lying here in bed in a post-purge high and I realized that, for me, purging is better than sex.