I’m still here

I know last time I posted I was quite distraught. That didn’t last long, but I haven’t felt inspired to write in the last couple weeks. In fact, I haven’t been inspired to do much of anything lately. I have been extremely apathetic and bored and nothing is catching my interest. My psychiatrist has been adjusting my meds and I wonder if this isn’t a side effect of that.

In the time since my last post, I had a birthday. I’m pretty sure I officially qualify as old now.

I’ve been struggling to eat. The fiancé and I have been wedding planning and all I can think of is me standing in front of all my friends and family being fat and everyone looking at me. It makes eating hard. I feel like I need to lose as much weight as possible before the wedding.

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Planning to succeed

 

Day 2, 200 calories. I found a Luna Bar in my purse that my sister gave me yesterday. It’s 190 calories. That’s my food for today. I’m going to eat half for lunch, half for dinner.

 

***Update***
This is my 600th post!! Crazy!

The planning of a binge

Sometimes, binges happen unexpectedly. I suddenly feel the need to eat and then I just don’t stop.

Other times, they are planned. I want to binge. I plan it out. I plan what I will binge on and when I will binge. Tonight is one of those planned binges. I wanted to binge and purge, felt the need to binge and purge, so I planned one. I went on Pizza Hut’s website and ordered food. A lot of food. Now I am waiting for it. Calmly. Serenely. I will do what I need to do and then I will get rid of it, and I will feel good about it. Because I chose to do it instead of doing it frantically or out of control. I am in control this time. I win.

Eat This Much

I found this neat site called Eat This Much. You can tell it how many calories you want to eat over how many total meals during the day, and it will give you a meal plan for the day. You can edit what types of foods it will suggest, follow certain diets like vegetarian, paleo, etc, tell it how many (or what percentage) carbs, fats, and proteins you want, and more. It’s really quite a useful site.

There’s only one small problem.

How do I get three-quarters of the egg white and the yolk? I’m also not sure how to measure a quarter of a tablespoon.

How on earth am I supposed to measure 0.17 tablespoon, 0.17 cup, or 0.67 of an egg?

0.13 of everything?

0.04 of a cup? Then you have 0.17 of almost everything else.

I love this site in theory. I really want to be able to use it. However, I can’t find a way to make it give me measurements that make logic.

I thought the strange measurements might have been just because I was requesting an unrealistic amount of calories per day. However, when I switched to the standard 2000 calories, it didn’t help any.

Yes, it wants me to add 0.13 cup of low fat milk to this recipe.