Tag Archives: pills

I hate today


Today (technically yesterday now) was the anniversary of my sister’s death. It was a hard day.

Yesterday, still sick from my overdose, I didn’t eat and spent most of the day in bed. 

Today, I still wasn’t up to eating, but my mom made me some food midday without me asking (she knew I wasn’t feeling well) and I felt I should try to eat it. I got some of it down, but it made me very sick. 

I’m still nauseous. I don’t know if it’s from the pills or the not eating or what. 

These came in the mail this evening:

20141119_011606Note: I do NOT recommend anyone take any of these, let alone all of them. In fact, I recommend staying far, far away from them.

And after that hypocritical PSA…

I know you’re not supposed to combine things like this, especially when you’re on medications, but that never seems to stop me. Especially when I’m in my extreme states of apathy, one of which I find  myself in today. I just honestly don’t care if something bad happens.

My one hope is just that by the time November 18th comes around next year, I won’t be here to see it.






I’m overdosed on effexor last night. It wasn’t a fun night.  It’s not a fun morning. More to come.

Caffeine and laxatives


Now, don’t worry, I don’t have vodka or valium. I do, however, have caffeine pills and laxatives.

My laxatives came in yesterday and have been such a huge relief, both physically and mentally. I no longer feel like I’m carrying a 20-pound baby in my intestines. My caffeine pills came this afternoon. They’re 200 mg each.

For some perspective, a Rockstar, my favorite energy drink, has 160mg, Red Bull has 80mg. Starbucks coffees range anywhere from 90-225 per. (This is based on the Grande size–I don’t know which size that is.)

After I took one, I didn’t feel anything at all for about an hour. I considered taking another one, but I just started taking laxatives again yesterday and thought it best not to through a bunch of drugs into my body all at once.

After that hour, I got up to do some housework, and THEN I felt it. Apparently caffeine and alcohol both work the same for me: I don’t really feel it until I get up and move around a little. Then I really feel it.

Dizziness, shortness of breath, very aware of my heart rate. That’s how I felt for a while. It’s settled down now, I’m just very awake, which is good.

I got the caffeine pills for two reasons. First, I was hoping the caffeine would suppress my desire to binge and purge, as it sometimes does. Second, I’m having a really bad fibro flare up and part of that is extreme fatigue. I haven’t been able to do much recently, and I need to be able to do things like study and get out of the house. I’m hoping the caffeine pills will help.

I considered getting a cheap coffee maker, but with the coffee maker and then the coffee, it would be rather expensive. The pills are like $.09 a pill. Significantly more affordable.

I may try using the pills to stay up all tonight and tomorrow because I am on a completely nocturnal schedule right now and I want to get that fixed. We’ll see how I’m feeling in the morning.