I’m discharging on Tuesday. I start EIOP Wednesday.
I’m conflicted. Excited, scared, hopeful, anxious.
I have blue dye in my hair. A touch up job. I have a snack and dinner pass tomorrow. I’m going to comicon tomorrow afternoon/evening and I want my hair to look its best.
I am nervous about going. I feel like the stereotypical fat geek girl. It doesn’t help that I’m going with my brother and his tall, thin, gorgeous girlfriend. However, I’ve been wanting to go for years and every year something comes up. I’m taking this opportunity.
Other than Comicon, I’ve got a ton of discharge paperwork to do this weekend. I had my last family session today. We went over my wellness plan. The wellness plan goes over things like how I plan to eat well, keep balance in my life, sleep appropriately, exercise in a healthful way, my triggers, signs of relapse, how my support system can help me, and so forth. It’s extensive. (Like 10 typed pages?)
I met with my dietician and went over my discharge meal plan. I had to make a week’s meal plan with 21 different meals and 21 snacks (3 meals and 3 snacks a day) and it had to be reviewed and approved by my dietician.
I also met with my psychiatrist and he changed my anxiety med. Hopefully this one works better for me. My doctor also prescribed a new medication to prevent migraines.
So much change is happening.
Right now, my insurance has approved me through tomorrow. My team wants me to stay one more week, so I’ll find out tomorrow whether that’ll be approved. I’m ok with either outcome.
On the one hand, I’m exhausted. The last 2 months have been productive and so helpful, but HARD. If I’m not approved for more time, I’ll be ok stepping down to EIOP.
One the other, more time would be helpful, and I recognize that. I will gladly stay if given the time. Luckily, eiop has already been approved, so I won’t be leaving treatment altogether, I’ll still have support. If I can do eiop for a while, whether that’s a few weeks or a few months, I think I can really, finally, do recovery.
I’m in a good place of mind most of the time. I know the transition will be hard, but I have confidence I can do it despite the difficulty.
I’ve been approved through Saturday, with another review Friday. I am hoping to only do PHP through Saturday and start EIOP Monday.
I didn’t bring my bag today because I was just coming in for a meeting. I didn’t bring my books or my therapy homework. I didn’t bring my phone charger. I just came in for a meeting.
However, I stayed for program. I still havr today and tomorrow approved, so I’m going to get a better wrap-up to treatment than leaving quietly without a word. I’ll have more resources, and someone to help me figure out my meal plan. Plus, I can step down to eiop instead of quitting cold turkey.
I feel weird being back, but I know this is best.
So, I had my orientation for EIOP (evening intensive outpatient) yesterday. It went fine. However, I found out that my insurance might not cover it.
The thought of going from PHP to nothing terrified me. I don’t feel ready to step down to eiop, let alone stop treatment altogether.
Luckily, my insurance said today that it will definitely cover eiop.
Tomorrow, I find out whether I’ll get another week of php or not.
I’m in what will probably be my last week of php, and am coming up on a month in treatment.
I went in thinking I’d do a week or two of php, then switch to outpatient. I’ve done twice as much as I’d planned, and I still feel so unprepared.
As of tonight, I’m one week purge-free. However, all I want to do is binge and purge. If I didn’t have 2 roommates, I’d be doing that now…
This upcoming Wednesday, I’ll have been in partial hospitalization for a month. While I don’t feel ready, I have orientation for intensive outpatient on Monday, just to be ready in case my insurance doesn’t approve anymore time in PHP.
I feel overwhelmed and nervous and, like I said, not ready at all. However, I doubt I will ever feel ready. I think I’ll have to step down with the feeling of unreadiness. If I stayed in PHP another month, I probably still wouldn’t feel ready to step down to EIOP.
Sorry I haven’t been posting much lately, PHP is BUSY and exhausting.
Today, for example, I had, on top of the 6 times I was required to eat, anger awareness, session with my primary therapist, process group, one-on-one art therapy, family therapy, and grief and loss group.
Dinner today was really hard and I ate hardly any of it. I’m still working on a boost-free day. Maybe tomorrow is the day.
I finished day two of PHP, but it was more like day one because I spent most of yesterday in the ER instead of treatment. I met with most of the members of my treatment team today. I also ate 2 meals and 2 snacks there. Those were hard.
It felt like we were eating all day long. I cried several times today.
I felt so alone and out of place today. I also felt so crowded. I just wanted to be alone, but I can’t get alone during my treatment day.
I feel like there’s so much I want to say, but none of the words will come to the surface where I can reach them.
I’m exhausted, I’m full, and I’m drained.
I’m home now.
Thanks to my freakout last night, I showed up at treatment this morning sick, weak, tired, and severely dehydrated.
When I arrived, I had to strip down and put on a sheer hospital gown, do a couple jumping jacks, and get weighed. Then, an EKG, orthostatics, and labs.
However, because I was so dehydrated, they couldn’t get any blood. I had several people trying and still nothing. They decided to make me drink water and try again later, but I was having trouble getting the water down because I was so nauseous.
I went over to sign papers and get my schedule and program binder. When I finished, my doctor had looked over my EKG and orthostatics and decided I needed to go to the ER to get fluids.
So, 2 hours after my first day of treatment began, it ended with a trip to a local hospital. I was there for about 6 hours. Not only was I severely dehydrated, my potassium was dangerously low so I had to get fluids AND potassium. Then more labs to make sure my potassium came up enough to go home. Rinse, repeat.
The treatment center wanted to bump me up to residential, but my insurance said no. I’m relieved. I’m so glad to be home after that long day and not in a hospital. I am not looking forward to going back tomorrow, but I know I need to.
Also, I took a HUGE step tonight and threw away my laxatives.