Playing with pets is the new marathon

I am sort of obsessed with the Nexercise app. Today, after logging my second workout, I noticed the activities my “friends” had logged. One logged “Playing with pets” for almost 4 and a half hours. The other day, she logged the same activity for 14 hours.

What on earth kind of playing with pets constitutes a workout and one that you can do for 14 hours in one day. Also, I keep wondering if this is an active thing like running around with a dog, or something like when I play with my cat: pointing a laser pointer all over the room.

I also noticed that someone logged “Walking – water” and I assume this means they were walking IN water, but my first thought was that they were walking ON water and thought I had accidentally friended Jesus.

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Whimper, cry

I chose this picture entirely for how ridiculous it looks. Also, this man has 3 legs.

Anyway, I upped the resistance on my bike today. It killed me. I’m just going to sit here, very still, and pretend I don’t have legs.

Making progress!

Last night was pretty pretty terrible. My body was in so much fibromyalgia pain, combined with muscle fatigue, everything ached, and I just lay in my bed and cried. For a couple hours.

My sleep last night was fitful, and filled with unpleasant dreams. I woke up with a terrible migraine. I wanted to stay in bed, but I had to get up because people were coming by to inspect the units.

I didn’t have time right away to do my weighing routine because I still had a few thing to take care of this morning. (You know, making my bed, cleaning the cat litter, stuff I couldn’t really do last night, or needed to be done again.)

Because I hadn’t weighed yet, I couldn’t drink or eat anything because I needed to get as accurate a weight as possible. They about an hour after arriving (they kept going in and out, checking different things) and the first thing I did was run to the bathroom, undress, and weigh myself.

I was down 3 pounds. Finally, after a month of over exercising on top of my normal behaviors, and having absolutely NO weight loss, it’s starting to budge. It kind of makes me want to not start PHP next week because I’m finally making progress.

I had to stop, and I hate that

Two hours into my workout, I had to stop.

I couldn’t breathe, I was very dizzy and nearly falling off the bike and losing my vision (which is the precursor to passing out), and my side felt like I had torn it open. What the hell?

So, I very reluctantly stopped. I hated myself for stopping. I hated my body for not doing what I wanted it to do. I hated that stopping meant leaving myself vulnerable to binging and purging.

I’ve had 12 grapes today. I’m afraid to eat more. I don’t understand how I can be terrified to eat and simultaneously binge. I have the stupidest brain in the world.

So, I’m resting now. I tried drinking water, but it was making me nauseous, so I stopped that. My plan is to avoid eating, rest, and exercise some more before bed.

I see the mental health guy again in the morning. I’m not looking forward to it for multiple reasons, one of which being that he keeps telling me to go to the doctor and I keep forgetting to actually call my doctor and set up an appointment. Ugh. I’m going to try to remember to do that in the morning before I leave for my appointment. I wrote myself a sticky note. Wish me luck.

Not obsessed

I’m on my bike for the third time today. I’m in my fifth hour of exercise, and it won’t be my last. If I break up my work outs into several increments, it means I’m not obsessed, right?

…Right? 

What a long couple days

Yesterday, I woke up with a migraine. I also awoke with high levels of anxiety. The two of them together meant I was NOT going to my appointment with the behavioral health guy. I called him up and explained and rescheduled for next week. He again urged me to go to the hospital.

I spent the rest of the day engaged in either lying in bed or binging and purging or exercising, or taking pills. I tried to sleep last night but couldn’t. Then, in the early morning hours, my brain started telling me I needed to get up and exercise and I needed to do it right now.

So, I got up and exercised for 3 hours. When I finally went back to bed, I was exhausted. “This is good,” I thought to myself, “maybe now I can sleep!”

Nope. I didn’t get any sleep last night.

Finally, this morning after my parents got up, I asked my dad to take me to the ER. He dropped me off on his way to work. I spent most of the day there, my migraine was being stubborn, and they wanted to give me lots of fluids.

I considered, after the getting up in the middle of the night to exercise this, asking to be admitted for a couple days just to give my body a break and maybe help break the cycle I’m in. However, since tomorrow is Father’s Day, I decided not to.

After I got home (around 5pm), I went immediately to bed. The 4 rounds of pain killers made me very tired, especially with not sleeping last night. I slept for a couple hours. I got up with every intention to write letters to my fellow bloggers, but was just too tired and out of it. (I promise, I’ll try to get them out in Monday’s mail.)

I’ve taken nearly a whole bottle (1,000 pills) of laxatives in the last too days. Needless to say, I’m not feeling the greatest despite the fluids and pain killers today. I do, however, feel waayyyyy better than this morning. I’m really hoping to sleep tonight. My plan now is to go workout, then sleep. I hope, hope, hope I can sleep.

Tomorrow, at some point, we’re having a family dinner. I think that’s all that’s planned because my dad works tomorrow. Though, I do have a feeling he will want to play a game of Risk if we can find the time.

Wish me luck with tomorrow. Have a good night. Hopefully I won’t see you again before tomorrow morning.

Early Morning Meh

Today was bad. I’ll take to post details tomorrow. Right now, it’s 2:00am and I’m on my bike. I might be here all night.

Did you know bulimia can cause osteoarthritis?

I didn’t.

Apparently anorexia and bulimia (and ednos) can cause early onset of osteoarthritis due to poor nutrition and/or over exercising.

How did I learn this? I just got a call from my rheumatologist. Guess who has osteoarthritis. Yeah, I do.

I’m supposed to start a regimen of anti-inflammatories and follow up with the doctor.

I’m kind of floored right now. It’s become real, I guess. I’ve done actual damage to my body.