I can’t believe you said that

 

For evening snack Friday night, I had a challenge snack and at a half cup of ice cream. Earlier that evening, my dad had, I thought jokingly, told me I couldn’t have any ice cream until I moved a lamp he wanted me to move. The lamp isn’t in a place I normally see, and he always reminds me when I’m in the middle of something else.

So when he saw I had eaten ice cream, he asked if I had moved the lamp. I said no. He told me to go to the bathroom and stick my finger down my throat and throw it up. I was in complete shock, and didn’t know how to respond. I already wanted to purge the ice cream. And my dad knows I’m bulimic. He knows I’m in treatment for bulimia. He takes me to and from treatment every day!

I went to my room and texted my mom, in tears, and told her what happened and how I wanted to purge and how his comment just kept going through my brain. She told me that she knew my brain was probably being really loud, but to try knitting or watching something and distracting myself. So I did. I got out my knitting and I put on Parks and Recreation and I just sat in my room trying to pretend me father didn’t exist and I distracted myself for the next couple hours until I eventually went to bed, purge-free.

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LoveMe Challenge, Day 24

Day #24: What makes you happy?

Spending time with my family. My family makes me happy like nothing else, especially my mom and brothers. I adore my nieces and nephews. I have always been close to my family. I grew up playing board games with them, playing pretend, playing video games, reading with them, arguing with and making up with them, making craft with them, so on and so forth. My family didn’t have a lot of money, but we had each other and we have always been there for each other.

My mom and me

I watched a documentary once about eating disorders and there was a teenage girl who talked about engaging in disordered behavior with her mom, how it was just normal for her.

It wasn’t until then I began to question my mother’s and my joint relationship with food.

Just now, my mom and I ate a double batch of rice krispy treats. Yes, we ate the whole thing. While watching Gilmore Girls. This kind of thing is normal for us. Sometimes I think my mom should go in for eating disorder treatment too.