A few days ago I ordered some laxatives online. They were supposed to be delivered tomorrow. They were delivered today. I normally check the mail. Today my dad checked it. He walked in shaking my package, causing it to sound like a rattle snake.
You’re not buying laxatives again, are you?”
“No,” I lied. “That’s probably my vitamins.”
I got a text from a friend earlier asking how I am and what I’ve been up to. I always hate being asked what I’ve been up to.
“Oh, you know, binging and purging since I woke up, dissolving laxatives in water to make them work faster, trying to put together my exercise bike so I can go back to obsessing over exercise, etc, and so on and so forth…”
I’m not telling them that.
“Oh, you know…studying…watching Netflix…”
That’s partially true. I watch Netflix sometimes when I binge.
“Well, I robbed a bank last week. It wasn’t for the money, it was just for the thrill of it. Now I freak out whenever I hear sirens. You??”
Seriously, I just never know how to respond to this.