I just…seriously??

Pictured above is me simultaneously doing an angry dance and a facepalm of frustration. Why? Well, it starts a couple months ago.

The psychiatrist I was seeing at the mental health clinic where I go for treatment of my bipolar disorder, bulimia, self-harm, suicidal ideation, etc quit a couple months ago. I was informed via a letter in the mail and told I would now be seeing a new psychiatrist and that I needed to call and set up an appointment after a certain date. I waited until said date, called, and set up an appointment, a month out (her first available appointment, apparently). I waited anxiously for the date to arrive as I could tell my meds needed to be adjusted. The day before my appointment, I got a call saying my appointment had been canceled because my new psychiatrist had quit.

So, I called intake to get an appointment with another psychiatrist, only to be told I couldn’t be seen by another one at the moment because they were shorthanded. Not good enough. I got the number to the intake manager and left her a message letting her know the situation and that I really needed to be seen by a psychiatrist. She promised to “work on it”.  Today, I went in to see my therapist and we went to speak with intake together. We found a psychiatrist with a last minute cancellation so I could get in to see someone this afternoon if I was willing to come back later. I was. They scheduled me and I left, finally feeling like I was making progress.

NOPE! I got a call just before noon saying they needed to cancel my appointment! No explanation could be given. I am so fucking frustrated! I just want to see a psychiatrist and get my meds adjusted. Is that really too much to ask??

Advertisement

Frantic Binging, Compulsive Exercising, and a little knitting on the side

I spent the first couple hours of my time alone frantically binging on food. Anything and everything I could get my hands on. Pancakes, cereal, pizza bites, cheese, I don’t even remember everything. I felt almost crazed.

When I finally couldn’t eat anymore, I literally freaked out. I took off immediately to my stationary bike and hit it hard for the next couple hours. When I couldn’t do that anymore, I collapsed on my bed for a while to recover. Now my ankle, which has osteoarthritis, is really sore from how hard I’ve been pushing it the last few days.

Now, I’m watching Kim Possible and knitting. I’m making a lot of progress on my friend’s scarf. I’m probably about halfway done. I’m really excited about the progress.

Luckily, people will be home soon and I don’t have to spend the night alone. I have an even harder time alone once it gets dark.