Forever is so short

Facebook reminded me yesterday that it was the one year anniversary of us being “facebook official”. Yesterday was the day I left. My heart broke again when I saw the reminder and I burst into tears, sitting at the stop waiting for the shuttle to take me to the airport.

This last week I was in California with my fiance. A few days ago, he started hitting me. At first, I tried to shake it off. But by Thursday afternoon I couldn’t anymore, and I bought the first available ticket home for Friday. Yesterday morning, I left before he woke up, sneaking out, afraid to tell him I was leaving. I left my ring on the dresser.

Sometime on my trip home, he figured out I wasn’t coming back because he blocked me from Facebook. Total travel time, between the uber, the shuttle, my delated flight, and driving home, was over 14 hours. It was a long day filled with many tears. I am heartbroken. Even though I know I made the right choice, I still love him. It still hurts to have the broken promise of a future with him. I went from having my whole future planned out to having nothing. I’m lost, alone, and wounded. I feel foolish. I feel used. I feel like I’ve done something wrong by leaving him. I’m so confused right now.

Advertisement

Do I invite Betrayal?

I just found out that someone I thought was a close friend and confidant has been telling people details of our conversations and very personal information about me. People I DID NOT want to know these things. And she knew that too.

I feel so betrayed and hurt.

Grief

The 3 year anniversary of my sister’s death is on Tuesday.

Three years and I still don’t know how to get past it.

I still can’t think of her without falling apart. I still don’t know how to deal with the pain. I still hate this time of year. The anniversary of her death, Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday.

I decided to go online and look for a grief workbook.

I couldn’t even do that without crying.

I feel so stuck. And broken.

I feel so disposable