My ex wouldn’t let me cut my hair. My hair was pretty long. The last few days, I’ve been thinking about cutting it. Partly as a “screw you” to my ex and partly because I wanted a change and I was feeling like if I didn’t cut my hair, I might do something stupid like drop out of school or fly to another state to live (with no job and no plan) so I cut my hair. I cut about a foot off. I really like it. And I feel so light now.
I cut my hair. But just in the middle of the back of my heaf.
Things with the boy and I have been strained. Today I finally worked up the courage to ask what’s going on. He said we needed to “talk” tonight and wouldn’t go into it further. All day my anxiety steadily climbed as I wondered what was going on and why he wouldn’t just tell me and I ran through in my head every horrible thing I’ve ever done and every mistake and every time I haven’t been the kind of person he wishes I were and I got to the point where I was literally dizzy with worry and having trouble breathing. I tried explaining what was going on. He sighed and said nothing. He’s said nothing since.
Icut my hair.
I was afraid if I didn’t, I would cut my skin. I needed a release. I’d already binged and purged all my my food and it wasn’t helping.
I’m supposed to get together with family tomorrow for the championship game. I need to get up early so I can get my hair fixed.