Because Apparently I Don’t Learn

Back in August of last year, I bought a fitbit, but you didn’t hear much about it because I wasn’t able to keep it very long. Why? Before long I became obsessed with it. Obsessed with how many steps I was taking, how many hours I was active, how many calories I was burning. I obsessively tracked my food and water and sleep in my fitbit app daily. And at a time when I was already struggling, having just come out of treatment a month prior, I could see that it was having an unhealthy effect on me. So, I gave it to my sister, who I knew could handle it, who wouldn’t obsess, who would use it responsibly.

Well, Monday, I bought another one. Why? I’m not sure. I just really like numbers and stats and knowing things, I guess. I’ve been walking every day and I wanted to see how many steps I was taking. I wanted to see my heart rate when I exercise. I just wanted to know the stats. However, I’ve started inputting my food into the app again and of course it tells me how many calories I’m eating and that’s triggering. And the obvious answer is to just not enter my food into the app, but then there’s a line on my app that’s not filled in and it feels incomplete. Maybe I have a problem.

I don’t feel like I’m obsessed with the fitbit this time, but I worry that I might become so, just because I have addictive/obsessive tendencies. Today I set a high step goal to beat yesterday’s goal, but when I went for my walk, my ankle was hurting, so I only walked about a mile instead of the 5 I had planned. I’m trying to listen to my body and what it needs and how it’s feeling instead of just pushing myself, so that’s good, right? I think so. I think I can use my fitbit in a healthy, non-obsessive way this time. Here’s hoping.

Advertisement

Fibromyalgia wins the day

I didn’t make it to the rec center. I made it about half of the 2 mile walk to the rec center.

One of the joys of fibromyalgia is that it can lie in wait, silently, and POUNCE the moment you do anything physically stimulating. The pain started almost immediately, and escalated consistently as I walked toward the rec center. After about a mile, I knew I wasn’t going to make it. I sat down for a few minutes to let my body rest because the pain was so bad I wasn’t sure I could walk in any direction.

After a short rest, I started walking back toward home. The pain continued to increase as I walked home. It became nearly disabling. I kept having to stop to rest to let the pain subside just enough to allow me to continue my trek. By the time I was 5 minutes out, I was in tears from the pain and feeling the world’s biggest fool for crying just because I had to walk home, something people do and take for granted all the time.

I entered my home with gritted teeth. I walked straight to my bed, kicked my shoes off, and collapsed on my bed. I just lay there for probably 20 minutes, breathing deeply to keep the tears back, and waiting for the pain to recede to a manageable level.

The pain is still pretty bad. That’s another fun part of fibromyalgia. Just because you stop being active doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It sticks around, sometimes for 2 or 3 days, just to miff you.

I really loathe walking…but I’m going to do it anyway

When I lived in a small town in Oregon, I actually walked everywhere and I loved it. If I’m walking to somewhere, I enjoy it. However, if I’m walking just to walk, walking to fulfill a fitness goal, I kind of really hate it. Yet, I’m about to head out on a walk/jog because I bought this Fitbit and I have a goal of 10,000 steps and the only way to do that is to leave my house. Unfortunately, there is NOTHING close by I can walk to. If I want to walk about 6 miles, I can walk to downtown, but I’m not sure I have 12 miles in me today.

I wish there was a walking app that had a “what’s nearby?” feature that showed what’s of interest that you can walk to. I’d walk to the library, but it’s closed of Sundays.  The only other thing I know of in my neighborhood is a Walmart and I don’t really want to walk around a Walmart.

*****

So after some googling, I found a rec center nearby, so I’m going to walk over there. Unfortunately, the pool is closed on Sundays, but I think the rest of the center is open. If nothing else, I can go and get more information.

Ever new ways to obsess

I bought a Fitbit Charge HR. It tracks my steps, calories in/burned, my heart rate (I have a mild obsession with knowing my heart rate at any given moment), water intake, sleep, pretty much anything fitness related.

I love it. I obsessively sync it. I constantly check its stats. I adore that it told me how many steps I took in the grocery store and how many calories I burned doing so.

This may not be a healthy toy for me, but it’s a fabulous one. Excuse me while I go for a jog.