I know last time I posted I was quite distraught. That didn’t last long, but I haven’t felt inspired to write in the last couple weeks. In fact, I haven’t been inspired to do much of anything lately. I have been extremely apathetic and bored and nothing is catching my interest. My psychiatrist has been adjusting my meds and I wonder if this isn’t a side effect of that.
In the time since my last post, I had a birthday. I’m pretty sure I officially qualify as old now.
I’ve been struggling to eat. The fiancé and I have been wedding planning and all I can think of is me standing in front of all my friends and family being fat and everyone looking at me. It makes eating hard. I feel like I need to lose as much weight as possible before the wedding.
It’s officially summer break! It technically has been for 3 weeks, but I’ve been in California on vacation with my now-fiancé having so much fun that it hasn’t sunk in. But yay! No more school for a couple month! I registered for fall classes last night. I’m taking Human Growth and Development and Human Anatomy and Physiology. I expect to be VERY busy with these classes, but I’m excited to be working toward my nursing degree.
I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself during summer break. During the spring semester I was taking classes and doing treatment. Now I’m doing outpatient once a week and my DBT group once a week, but other than those, I’m completely free. I feel a little overwhelmed by freedom. And when I have nothing to do is when I tend to engage in eating disorder behaviors, so I need to find a way to set up some kind of schedule for myself this summer.
That said, I did really well on my vacation. I had some restricting, but I did pretty well at following my meal plan and my fiancé was a huge help in keeping me on track. He was very supportive and encouraging the whole time.