Tag Archives: fail

Slips feel like failure

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I had a slip tonight. I binged and purged. I feel like a failure. I don’t plan to stay stuck in this slip, but it still feels like I’ve failed.

On the bright side, I dyed my hair blue today. It looks great.

Last Night Gus

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Last night I took half a bottle of effexor.

Last night I couldn’t sleep because of the pain.

Last night I was so nauseous I wanted to tear out my stomach.

This morning the pain had subsided substantially, but I was still nauseous, and with that came dizziness, shaking, weakness, blurred vision, fatigue, and so much more.

I’m too sick to eat, and even sipping liquids are hard.

I don’t know what I was trying to accomplish. Whatever it was, I don’t think I succeeded.

I can’t even get into treatment

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After finding out that I am not actually starting PHP, next week or otherwise, I spent many hours binging and purging and trying to numb myself. It hasn’t been very successful.

I feel like such a failure. I failed at getting into treatment. I failed at being sick enough to make anyone take interest. I failed at being thin enough for anyone’s concern. I failed, I fail, I will fail. That’s all I do.

I will die fat and a failure.

I just had the most stupid conversation

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I don’t know why I get into arguments on Facebook.

Someone I know posts: Muscle does not weigh more than fat!!! 1 pound of muscle weighs the same as 1 pound of fat. 1 pound muscle just takes up less space than 1 pound of fat!!!!

I respond: …That’s like saying steel doesn’t weigh more than feathers

Her: 1 pound of steel weighs more than 1 POUND of feathers? Nope!!!! 1 pound is 1 pound lol

Me: Right. But steel is still heavier than feather. Yes, ONE POUND of steel obviously weighs the same as ONE POUND of feathers, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ll need A LOT MORE feathers to weigh the same amount, because steel is heavier. Same with muscle and fat. Yes, ONE POUND of fat and ONE POUND of muscle weigh the same. Obviously. But you need more fat to make up a pound than you do muscle, because muscle weighs more.

Her: That’s what I said…muscle doesn’t weigh more than fat.

Me: You can’t just take one pound of a light object and one pound of a heavy object and go, “Look! This isn’t heavier than that!!”
If you need more of one than the other to weigh the same amount, one is heavier than the other.

Her friend: Sorry but <name of person> is correct … 1 lb of feathers = 1 lb of steel…..

I…what?

**UPDATE**

So, I didn’t think I’d need to clarify, but based on the comments section, I do.

I have never heard ANYONE say “one pound of muscle is heavier than one pound of fat”. That would be ridiculous, stupid, and wrong. The only thing I’ve ever heard is “muscle is heavier than fat” and is ALWAYS referring to equal VOLUME of each.

If you have the same VOLUME of fat and muscle, muscle IS heavier. Period.