I am sort of obsessed with the Nexercise app. Today, after logging my second workout, I noticed the activities my “friends” had logged. One logged “Playing with pets” for almost 4 and a half hours. The other day, she logged the same activity for 14 hours.
What on earth kind of playing with pets constitutes a workout and one that you can do for 14 hours in one day. Also, I keep wondering if this is an active thing like running around with a dog, or something like when I play with my cat: pointing a laser pointer all over the room.
I also noticed that someone logged “Walking – water” and I assume this means they were walking IN water, but my first thought was that they were walking ON water and thought I had accidentally friended Jesus.
I chose this picture entirely for how ridiculous it looks. Also, this man has 3 legs.
Anyway, I upped the resistance on my bike today. It killed me. I’m just going to sit here, very still, and pretend I don’t have legs.
Last night was pretty pretty terrible. My body was in so much fibromyalgia pain, combined with muscle fatigue, everything ached, and I just lay in my bed and cried. For a couple hours.
My sleep last night was fitful, and filled with unpleasant dreams. I woke up with a terrible migraine. I wanted to stay in bed, but I had to get up because people were coming by to inspect the units.
I didn’t have time right away to do my weighing routine because I still had a few thing to take care of this morning. (You know, making my bed, cleaning the cat litter, stuff I couldn’t really do last night, or needed to be done again.)
Because I hadn’t weighed yet, I couldn’t drink or eat anything because I needed to get as accurate a weight as possible. They about an hour after arriving (they kept going in and out, checking different things) and the first thing I did was run to the bathroom, undress, and weigh myself.
I was down 3 pounds. Finally, after a month of over exercising on top of my normal behaviors, and having absolutely NO weight loss, it’s starting to budge. It kind of makes me want to not start PHP next week because I’m finally making progress.
I was going to get another workout in before bed. I was going to.
Then I stood up.
No, wait. Then I tried to stand up.
My legs have decided to revolt. I shall crawl to bed now, I think.
Apparently the overuse of my bike has finally gotten to my body. I stood up (after resting for about half an hour) and my whole body was ridiculously sore and stiff. Especially the thigh parts of my body.
Walking to the bathroom, I felt like I needed a cane. Or like…maybe an electric scooter?
Don’t fail me now, body. I only have one more week to abuse you. (Hmm, that sounded weird when I actually typed it out…)
I’ve mentioned before that ny dad just doesn’t get it. No matter how I try to explain my eating disorder, he just can’t seem to wrap his head around it. Tonight I have, for your viewing pleasure, another example. Here is a conversation I just had with him.
Dad: How much do you use your bike each day?
Me: It varies. Usually between 3 and 6 hours.
Dad: Great job!
Dad: Do me a favor, tomorrow, after you finish on the bike, do an hour for me.
Me: Ok, Dad.
Dad: Haha, yeah right.
Me, in my head: You have no idea.
Two hours into my workout, I had to stop.
I couldn’t breathe, I was very dizzy and nearly falling off the bike and losing my vision (which is the precursor to passing out), and my side felt like I had torn it open. What the hell?
So, I very reluctantly stopped. I hated myself for stopping. I hated my body for not doing what I wanted it to do. I hated that stopping meant leaving myself vulnerable to binging and purging.
I’ve had 12 grapes today. I’m afraid to eat more. I don’t understand how I can be terrified to eat and simultaneously binge. I have the stupidest brain in the world.
So, I’m resting now. I tried drinking water, but it was making me nauseous, so I stopped that. My plan is to avoid eating, rest, and exercise some more before bed.
I see the mental health guy again in the morning. I’m not looking forward to it for multiple reasons, one of which being that he keeps telling me to go to the doctor and I keep forgetting to actually call my doctor and set up an appointment. Ugh. I’m going to try to remember to do that in the morning before I leave for my appointment. I wrote myself a sticky note. Wish me luck.
I’ve gained almost 6 pounds this week. How??
I workout at least 3 hours a days, some days more, yesterday 6. I purge everything I eat, I use laxatives and diet pills, and still, I gain. I am seriously at a loss.
I’m terrified that when I start PHP, with not purging, taking anything, and not exercising, that I’m going to balloon up. I keep crying, even though I’m trying not to think about it.
I hate this body. I wish I could slice it off and crawl out of it. It’s stupid, and doesn’t understand science, apparently. I give up on it.
I’m going to go use my bike.