I went to the hospital this morning to spend time with my dad. He had surgery yesterday. It went well. He has another surgery tomorrow. After the surgeries heal, he’ll need skin grafts. He’ll be in the hospital at least through early next week.
This afternoon, I had a follow up appointment with the ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor). My ENT is in the same hospital my dad is in, which was convenient, because I was planning to just walk over to my appointment, then go back and spend time with my dad after my appointment was finished.
However, during my appointment, my ENT decided I need surgery to correct my severely deviated septum. The surgery is next Friday, the 23rd. He sent me off to get an EKG, chest x-rays, and blood work for the surgery. That took a few hours (because hospital) and by the time I finished, I needed to leave, so I didn’t get to spend more time with my dad.
My fibromyalgia is flaring up very badly right now. I’m in so much pain.
Tomorrow, I have more DBT.
I went to see the ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) today because I can hardly breathe through my nose, and that’s a problem.
I sat waiting in the exam room for quite a while by myself with nothing to occupy my time except my own thoughts. That’s dangerous. I began to think about my body, I began to feel like I was expanding, filling up the whole room. I felt loathing for my body. It disgusted me. I wanted to gouge my face, it was hideous. I wanted to claw at my skin. My body was revolting.
I caught myself thinking these thoughts and grabbed my phone and started playing puzzle games that would require me to think of something else.
Eventually, the ENt came in and gave me an examination, asked me lots of questions, and sent me off to get my hearing checked.
It turns out I have a deviated septum and my sinuses are swollen. He prescribed a couple medications to hopefully open up my nasal passages so I can breathe. Hr wants to see me again in 4 weeks.
**Note** I never thought I had cancer, it was a reference to this blog post, posted the day before I went to see the ENT, which was eerie timing.
So you may know by now that I have bipolar 2. You may also know that it’s not well controlled because I can’t get in to see a psychiatrist at the mental health clinic where I am seen for…mental health…and I need my meds adjusted.
Lately, I have been listless and apathetic. Completely devoid of any motivation and any desire to do anything. I lost all interest in everything. I couldn’t even knit anymore. I was sleeping 12 hours at night and taking naps during the day and was still tired all the time.
Then, yesterday, it happened. Like flipping a light switch. I had energy!! I had motivation! I was determined to get. shit. done. I cleaned the whole house yesterday. (Yes, before the planned binge and purge that I wrote about.) I felt so accomplished! I went to bed at my normal time last night, but didn’t sleep. NO! My mind raced around and round. My legs wouldn’t hold still. I was still a bundle of energy. After trying for 3 hours to sleep, I got up and filled out paperwork for the ENT I’m seeing today. Then I ate ice cream and purged that. Then I went back to bed. I didn’t try to sleep, though. I just lay there and used my phone and watched Netflix until sometime early in the morning.
I woke up at 6am ready to start the day! I want to do stuff! I want to pack. I want to clean. I want to bake! I want to knit 15 scarves! My body almost aches with energy!