New Therapist and a New Nose

I saw my new therapist this morning. It was hard. Every time you see a new therapist, you have to retell your life story. I definitely had a cry fest in her office. We also went over all my “behaviors” and came up with a plan of action to try to help me get better, which is what I so want. I’m just scared A) to do the work needed to do it, and B) scared to change. This week, I’m supposed to work on asking for help before I engage in behaviors, which I’m terrible at. I hate asking or help. I’m bad at it and I hate doing it and it’s hard and it hurts me physically. But that’s what my therapist wants me to work on this week.

After I met with my therapist, I went to see my surgeon, who cut stitches in my nose and took out the splints I had in my nostrils. That was painful! However, I can breathe!! My nose is straight and smooth and WORKS! I can chew my salad and BREATHE. I can take a drink of water and BREATHE! It’s amazing!! Who knew this was so cool?? My nose is still in a lot of pain. And I need to keep spraying it with the saline every hour for the next 3 weeks until I go back to see the surgeon again. My goal is to not purge during those 3 weeks. I have no idea how well this plan is going to work, but that’s the goal nonetheless.

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In which I carved a pumpkin

After 3 nights of sleeping in the recliner in the living room to keep my head elevated, I got the ok from my surgeon to sleep in my bed last night. It was both better and worse than the recliner. My body was more comfortable. My nose less. I also can’t breathe through my nose at the moment due to the swelling and it being full of mucus and God only knows what else, so I kept waking up with my throat all dry and sore. I did, however, get more sleep than I got on the recliner. Or better sleep at least.

I woke up feeling pretty good. I took advantage of it and carved my pumpkin that’s been sitting around. It’s a kitty inside a witch’s hat.

Then, around noon, my youngest brother called. His car was dead and asked if we could come jump him so he could go to a job interview. While we were out, we grabbed some groceries and prescriptions I had waiting. By the time we finished, I had crashed. My energy was nil and my pain was through the roof.

I’ve gone gluten-free again at my rheumatologist’s suggestion. It messes with my head. All I see are excuses not to eat and my eating disorder loves it.

I meet with my new DBT therapist tomorrow (nervous). I then go over and get the splints taken out of my nose (YAY). Hopefully after that, I can start blowing my nose again. Tomorrow afternoon, I have my first (2 hour!) DBT skills group. It’s going to be a long day and I’m still not feeling that great and still using norco to get through the pain. I honestly expected to be fully recovered by now. I clearly didn’t have a good expectation of what recovery from a septoplasty is like.

Nose jobs are no fun

I had my septoplasty yesterday to fix my severely deviated septum. The surgery went well expect that I lost a lot of blood. However, I’m still here, so all is well.

Recovery after the surgery was rough. I woke up from anesthesia crying because I was in so much pain. They were giving me pain meds every 5 minutes and I was still in pain between a 7 and 10. Then, the high doses of pain meds made me incredibly nauseous to where I was dry heaving.

They wouldn’t let me go home until my pain was below a 5 and my nausea was under control, so I was in recovery for about 3 hours, which is 2 hour longer than they’d anticipated.

When I finally got home, I fell right to sleep while my mom went to fill my prescriptions for pain meds and antibiotics. I woke up when she got home an hour later and tried to watch some tv, but couldn’t follow anything, I was too out of it.

I was instructed to sleep with my head elevated, and my nose is too sore to lay on my pillow (I tried) so I slept in the recliner in the living room last night. I slept on and off. I was in a lot of pain most of the night, even with the prescription pain killer. I’ve also been leaking blood from both nostrils, which they said is normal, so I’ve been holding tissue to my nose almost constantly..

Today is one of the few times I wish I wore contacts. My nose is swollen and very sore, and my glasses hurt to wear. However, I’m blind blind without them.

I am still in a lot of pain and breathing is hit-or-miss because of all the extra mucus my nose is creating right now. I am not allowed to blow my nose. And I have splints up my nose while it heals. I get those out Wednesday. My nose is so swollen, I’m glad I remembered to take my nose piercing out before the surgery.

I def finitely can’t purge right now, which is messing with my head. I know I need to eat to heal properly, but knowing I can’t purge has me freaked out, so I haven’t eaten yet today.

I’m also having difficulty keeping awake because of the pain meds.So, for now, I’m off.

Went to the ENT, Don’t have throat cancer

I went to see the ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) today because I can hardly breathe through my nose, and that’s a problem.

I sat waiting in the exam room for quite a while by myself with nothing to occupy my time except my own thoughts. That’s dangerous. I began to think about my body, I began to feel like I was expanding, filling up the whole room. I felt loathing for my body. It disgusted me. I wanted to gouge my face, it was hideous. I wanted to claw at my skin. My body was revolting.

I caught myself thinking these thoughts and grabbed my phone and started playing puzzle games that would require me to think of something else.

Eventually, the ENt came in and gave me an examination, asked me lots of questions, and sent me off to get my hearing checked.

It turns out I have a deviated septum and my sinuses are swollen. He prescribed a couple medications to hopefully open up my nasal passages so I can breathe. Hr wants to see me again in 4 weeks.

**Note** I never thought I had cancer, it was a reference to this blog post, posted the day before I went to see the ENT, which was eerie timing.