Tag Archives: California

Vacation

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I met with my new eating disorder therapist yesterday. We went a half hour over our time, and I really like her so far.

Thursday morning I leave for California for two weeks with the fiance and I’m very excited, but also nervous. I know I’ll have to eat consistently, and won’t be able to purge like I’ve grown accustomed to again. I know these are technically good things, but the eating disorder part of my brain is screaming that it’s not going to be ok.

Summer break

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It’s officially summer break! It technically has been for 3 weeks, but I’ve been in California on vacation with my now-fiancĂ© having so much fun that it hasn’t sunk in. But yay! No more school for a couple month! I registered for fall classes last night. I’m taking Human Growth and Development and Human Anatomy and Physiology. I expect to be VERY busy with these classes, but I’m excited to be working toward my nursing degree.

I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself during summer break. During the spring semester I was taking classes and doing treatment. Now I’m doing outpatient once a week and my DBT group once a week, but other than those, I’m completely free. I feel a little overwhelmed by freedom. And when I have nothing to do is when I tend to engage in eating disorder behaviors, so I need to find a way to set up some kind of schedule for myself this summer.

That said, I did really well on my vacation. I had some restricting, but I did pretty well at following my meal plan and my fiancé was a huge help in keeping me on track. He was very supportive and encouraging the whole time.

Vacation Weight

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I’m going on vacation in just over a week. To California.

I’m freaking out internally. We’re going to the beach. I love to swim, but I don’t normally just hang out in a swimsuit. I’m terrified and nervous and kind of sick to my stomach.

On the flip side, though, I’m looking forward to the “vacation weight”. Many people complain of gaining weight over vacation. I always lose on vacation.

While on vacation, I tend to eat every meal with others, which means there’s always someone there to see me eat, which means I hardly eat. And since I tend to be around people A LOT while on vacation, I’m much less likely to binge and purge. After a week of near-fasting, I always come home lighter.

I’m looking forward to that.

An exercise in will?

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I leave for California in 2 weeks. All I can think of is how massive and disgusting I am.

He wants to go to the beach and I just want to hide inside.

I keep toying with the idea of not eating between now and when I leave.