I met with my new eating disorder therapist yesterday. We went a half hour over our time, and I really like her so far.
Thursday morning I leave for California for two weeks with the fiance and I’m very excited, but also nervous. I know I’ll have to eat consistently, and won’t be able to purge like I’ve grown accustomed to again. I know these are technically good things, but the eating disorder part of my brain is screaming that it’s not going to be ok.
It’s officially summer break! It technically has been for 3 weeks, but I’ve been in California on vacation with my now-fiancé having so much fun that it hasn’t sunk in. But yay! No more school for a couple month! I registered for fall classes last night. I’m taking Human Growth and Development and Human Anatomy and Physiology. I expect to be VERY busy with these classes, but I’m excited to be working toward my nursing degree.
I have no idea what I’m going to do with myself during summer break. During the spring semester I was taking classes and doing treatment. Now I’m doing outpatient once a week and my DBT group once a week, but other than those, I’m completely free. I feel a little overwhelmed by freedom. And when I have nothing to do is when I tend to engage in eating disorder behaviors, so I need to find a way to set up some kind of schedule for myself this summer.
That said, I did really well on my vacation. I had some restricting, but I did pretty well at following my meal plan and my fiancé was a huge help in keeping me on track. He was very supportive and encouraging the whole time.
I’m going on vacation in just over a week. To California.
I’m freaking out internally. We’re going to the beach. I love to swim, but I don’t normally just hang out in a swimsuit. I’m terrified and nervous and kind of sick to my stomach.
On the flip side, though, I’m looking forward to the “vacation weight”. Many people complain of gaining weight over vacation. I always lose on vacation.
While on vacation, I tend to eat every meal with others, which means there’s always someone there to see me eat, which means I hardly eat. And since I tend to be around people A LOT while on vacation, I’m much less likely to binge and purge. After a week of near-fasting, I always come home lighter.
I’m looking forward to that.
I leave for California in 2 weeks. All I can think of is how massive and disgusting I am.
He wants to go to the beach and I just want to hide inside.
I keep toying with the idea of not eating between now and when I leave.