Lack of motivation

I went to bed early last night. Partly because I was up all weekend playing video games and drinking with my brothers, and partly because I just didn’t know what else to do. Today, I should be working on school, but I’m not. This afternoon I should be going to treatment, but I don’t want to. I could be knitting, but I just don’t have the motivation for anything. I barely got through a shower. And I had to really work up to taking it. And only because I knew I actually can’t skip treatment tonight because it could jeopardize my insurance coverage. If I wasn’t going anywhere (like I want) I wouldn’t have showered. I stayed in bed 2 hours late. I haven’t eaten today. I’m considering taking a nap, just to pass time.

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Apathy and listlessness

list·less [list-lis]

—adjective

1. having or showing little or no interest in anything; languid; spiritless; indifferent

I am listless. I have no interest in anything. I don’t want to DO anything. I’m bored, but literally nothing sounds interesting. I feel grey. Colorless. Lifeless. I want to give up, but I don’t feel capable. Even that doesn’t hold my interest tonight. Maybe I’ll sleep. Maybe I’ll just lie in bed and stare are the ceiling.

Another day, another ER

Sigh…

Listless

Tonight, I am terribly listless. Normally while using my bike, I watch stuff on Netflix. Tonight, nothing seems interesting. Nothing on tv, nothing on the computer, nothing in my home seems to hold any interest. I’m not even that interested in exercising, I just can’t escape the demons. 

So, I am back on my bike. Bored and tired and disinterested, waiting for the magic number that says I can go to sleep.