Last night in art therapy, I was inspired by my letters to and from my inner child and wanted to give myself a kick-ass surfboard to ride my emotions on. I made the wave to represent different emotions (the legend is on the left). I put the most uncomfortable emotions closest to me in the wave to symbolize embracing them instead of stuffing or ignoring them.
I’m not skillful yet in surfing my emotions. Right now, I’m just hanging onto the surfboard for dear life. Soon, I hope to be able to sit on the surf board. Then paddle. Then stand. Eventually, I hope to be able to surf my emotions like a pro.
Tonight’s dinner was hard and I only ate about half and had to boost. I felt like a failure. I just finished my 6th week of treatment and felt like I should be able to finish all my meals by now. The dinner was a salad with chickpeas, soy chicken, and bread. The salad was so huge that it felt overwhelming and I couldn’t get past it. I’m also still struggling with thinking that “starches=bad”.
My therapist reassured me that since I boosted, it still counts as completing, and that I need to just take recovery as it comes and not try to compare it to anyone else’s journey. She does want me to set up an appointment with the nutritionist, however.