I decided to give away my blades. It’s slightly overwhelming, but I know I need to if I’m going to make progress.
It’s coming to the part of the year where I will be wearing a hoodie every waking moment.
When I was thinking about this, one of my first thoughts was, “now I can cut on my arms again,” which I’m not sure where the thought came from. I haven’t cut in…I’m not even sure how long, and I don’t even feel tempted to very often. But apparently something in me wanted to cut, and to be able to conceal it.
I don’t want hoodie season to be an encouragement for me to start cutting again. I thought maybe I should throw away my blades, but I have a mostly unused 50 pack of them in my desk drawer and it would feel so wasteful to toss them out.
Why does it matter if I’m “wasting” items that are harmful to me physically and mentally? I’m not sure, but it feels too wrong to entertain the idea.