Tag Archives: betrayal

Do I invite Betrayal?

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I just found out that someone I thought was a close friend and confidant has been telling people details of our conversations and very personal information about me. People I DID NOT want to know these things. And she knew that too.

I feel so betrayed and hurt.

Because, screw treatment

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I got a call from the eating disorder center. They’re actually not going to admit me. at all.

So, they’ve basically just been leading me on and flat out lying to me for the last month.

I give up. I just do. Screw treatment. Screw recovery. Screw people who are supposed to help you but just lie to you. Who needs recovery anyway?

Art therapy, you deceived me

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Remember how I thought I was going to enjoy Wednesday nights because we get to do art therapy?

Tonight was…not good.

I manged to finish my whole dinner. This left me feeling this horrible, confusing mixture of pride and GIANT, excessive guilt. Also disgust. And naturally, I spent the next few hours incredibly nauseous.

After dinner, we had art therapy. Great, right!?

No.

I have no idea why, but I started crying about 10 minutes in for no apparent reason. Then, at the end, I got to talk about why I was crying.

I had a really hard time the rest of the night. I sat in the back of the room during the second group and basically just cried softly to myself the whole time.

I didn’t eat snack.

You’re supposed to boost if you don’t have snack, but I kind of snuck out while the staff was busy. I’m sure I’ll hear about it tomorrow.

On the way home I got really carsick. Like, ridiculously carsick. I almost threw up on the way home. I took some nausea meds but I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to keep them down long enough for it to work. Luckily, I was able to and I’m starting to feel a lot better.

In other news, I went to the doctor this morning, got blood work and an x-ray. I got hardly any sleep last night and I had a terrible headache that turned into a migraine, so it’s been a long day. Between the doctor and treatment, I went to the laundromat to wash clothes, so this is really the first time I’ve had to just relax today.

I had a staff member tell me today that I need to eat before I come in tomorrow. I explained that I’m having a really hard time doing that because I know that I’m going to have to eat dinner and a snack and not purge either of them. She suggested trying to eat something, anything.

I said I would try to eat a hard boiled egg. I was half-lying. I don’t know yet whether I will actually try.

A couple of bright notes, now!

Tomorrow, my sister is coming into town so I get to see her and my baby niece and nephew!

Also tomorrow is the last day of treatment for this week! I cannot wait for a break! I’m am exhausted. This has been such a long week.