Tag Archives: BED

But not for you

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Unless you have an eating disorder. Then, that voice is probably wrong.

My brother just made me cry

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I have a little brother. He just sent me a text telling me he wants to dye his hair and beard periwinkle next February for eating disorder awareness month.

I cried.

We have never really talked about my eating disorder. He’s grown up with it, but it’s been the white elephant that no one will acknowledge.

I love this kid (he’s 11 years younger) and he has such a sweet spirit. He has such a way of melting my heart. As he just did.

You know you’re bulimic when…

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        While browsing the web, I came across a list titled “You know You’re Bulimic When…” that several people had contributed to. I copied the ones that resonated with me.
    • You can’t walk past the laxative aisle without wanting to binge. (Or wanting to pick up a ton)
    • When you know you’ll have time alone and plan out a huge binge, and feel happy about this.
    • When you tell yourself that your meal is healthy enough, or that you won’t eat enough to trigger you and still end up back at the toilet.
    • When you look at foods and sum up how easy they’d be to purge on a scale of super easy to jeez I don’t want to do this (and usually do anyhow)
    • When you are jealous of anorexics
    • When you are doing good at restricting yourself from food completely, but then you eat…and keep eating.
    • When you binge and purge instead of sleep. (all the time)
    • When you feel so so exhausted after a day of not doing nothing but eating and throwing up.
    • When you count the hours until your laxatives kick in
    • You have a separate section on your grocery lists for b/p foods
    • When you weigh yourself everyday and let that decide how much you are allowed to eat
    • Having people tell you you’re wasting food and money¬† (thanks, mom)
    • Any feeling of fullness in your stomach sets off the need to purge.
    • When you eat healthy and still feel the need to purge
    • Getting excited to binge and purge

And here are some of my own:

  • The cashiers at the local grocery stores know you, and you worry about whether they take notice of how much food you buy…all the time.
  • You argue with yourself over whether to pay rent or buy binge food.
  • You throw away extra binge food to try to keep yourself from binging the next day.
  • You end up just buying more binge food the next day anyway.
  • Trying to follow your meal plan triggers binging and purging
  • Not eating triggers binging and purging
  • Binging and purging triggers binging and purging
  • Pretty much <insert anything here> triggers binging and purging
  • You avoid certain foods because of the way they taste the second time around
  • You can binge on thousands of calories worth of food, but eating a normal meal or snack makes you cry.

I could probably keep going for the next hour.