Tag Archives: be better

Day One of Plan “Be Better”

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Day one of my plan to be better is going well. It’s 4pm and I haven’t eaten. I have, however, worked out. It was hard. I am in so much fibromyalgia pain, my whole body hurts. I got hardly any sleep last night because of it. Working out through it took all my determination. And yet, I did it!

I also got good news. I have insurance again! I was able to pick up the 3 prescriptions I haven’t had, including my fibromyalgia medication. While it doesn’t provide immediate relief, I am so grateful to have it again.

I’m worried about the logistics of not eating until Sunday. I know that I can do it, physically, but I also know my mom is bound to notice. Earlier today, I was told that if I’m not going back to treatment, I need to tell my parents how they can help me with recovery. I have nothing for them, since I’m not trying to recover. I don’t really want to have that conversation, though. I’m afraid that now that my parents have been involved in my treatment, and have forced me into treatment before, they will give me some kind of ultimatum if they realize I’m not eating. I really need to move out on my own so I can fully make my own decisions.

My plan to “be better”

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bebetter

When I saw this image the other day, it really spoke to me. I have always felt there is something inherently wrong with me and a need to “be better” than I am. When I saw this image, I knew I needed to do something to make myself better. I just didn’t have a plan. Now, I do.

My brothers recommended an anime called Knights of Sidonia. I was watching it today when a character asked, “Isn’t it time for our weekly meal?” That’s when it clicked! You see, the people in this anime have learned to photosynthesize and only require food once a week.

After hearing this simple question, I realized I should only be eating once a week. This morning, while alone, I completely pigged out on food. I can’t keep doing that. So, from now on, I’m only eating on Sundays. Sunday seems like an appropriate day to eat. I don’t know why, but it feels safe.

I have also decided working out daily is NOT optional anymore. I don’t care how bad I’m feeling or how bad the fibromyalgia pain, it’s no longer optional.

So these are my two new rules for a better me.