Muscle Spasms

My calves are so sore from the last couple days that every time I move them even a little my muscles cramp up.

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Damn you, mug brownie. Damn you.

I have seen these things floating around for years and have never tried them. When I first saw them, I was still anorexic and eating a mug of oatmeal or quinoa brought me to tears, let alone a brownie.

Then, I forgot about them for a long time, and in the last year-ish I’ve started seeing them again. I’ve been kind of afraid to try them, but tonight, I was watching Gilmore Girls with my mom and she mentioned wanting something sweet, so I offered to try making one of these.

It’s definitely not my mom’s homemade brownies, but it was still pretty delicious. And so easy, and so fast, with practically zero cleanup, and it uses so little of each ingredient, that it’s pretty unnoticeable, so it’s easy to hide. None of this is good for a bulimic.

Last Night Gus

Last night I took half a bottle of effexor.

Last night I couldn’t sleep because of the pain.

Last night I was so nauseous I wanted to tear out my stomach.

This morning the pain had subsided substantially, but I was still nauseous, and with that came dizziness, shaking, weakness, blurred vision, fatigue, and so much more.

I’m too sick to eat, and even sipping liquids are hard.

I don’t know what I was trying to accomplish. Whatever it was, I don’t think I succeeded.